Maralyn's Updates

Scholarship Fund

2009-01-08T22:07:00.012-06:00

To further Maralyn's legacy of spreading the Gospel of Jesus around the world, a scholarship fund has been set up in her name at Continental Theological Seminary in Brussels, Belgium. Contributions may be designated to "AGWM Memorial Fund #891166" and sent to:

Assemblies of God World Missions
1445 Boonville Avenue
Springfield, MO 65802

Thirsty for Jesus

2009-01-05T19:00:00.001-06:00

[Written early on New Years Day 2009]

Water is essential to life, and even though food will no longer propel down my throat, I’m still drinking. Amazingly, I don’t feel hungry … but I am thirsty, and I’m drinking as much as I possibly can. Without divine intervention, I will get to heaven some time within the month.

These 18 months since my ALS diagnosis have been the worst and best of my life. Worst because of my deteriorating body … best because of my relationship with Christ.

And I’m beginning to see my friendship with Jesus like water when I’m thirsty … so essential to life. He is the real “living water” referred to in John 4:1-26.

I have many lovely friends, but I’ve never before known a Friend SO close. Every day we have smiled, laughed, and cried together. And he has comforted me. I’ve asked his opinion, and he has nodded one way or the other. His close friendship has given me many new perspectives on this earthly life that I had never considered before. He’s been closer than my skin.

This intimate friendship was essential to the writing of this blog. He nudged me and said, “Don’t plan ahead” (totally contrary to my nature). “Let me teach you as we go. I will pick the topics. Just trust me! I’ll show you what to write.”

Let me tell you, for a “Type A” girl, that was tough … at first … until I saw that he really would supply the ideas and insights. It’s been an amazing ride. So if you’ve been blessed by this blog, thank him!

The only thing that makes me sad is realizing that this intimate friendship with him has been available to me all throughout my life, and I never chose it until now. I missed it … big-time! I guess I was always so busy with my lists, projects, plans and events that I was too occupied to be open to such an idea. Oh, I did my devotions, but so often because I knew I “should.” That’s a different thing. Now I long to be with him, to feel his hug, to hear his voice, to see his smile. It’s so different.

Here’s a piece of motherly advice: Don’t wait until you have a terminal illness to seek a true friendship with Jesus. He’s ready! It takes setting aside some less important things. It takes listening. It takes openness. But it’s so worth it! I hope you become literally thirsty for Jesus.

Soon I’ll be in heaven, and it will be great to see the scenery, gardens and mansions. It will be great to hear the singing and see what’s on the banquet tables. BUT! I can tell you, the thing I’m most looking forward to is meeting my Best Friend face-to-face for the very first time. I’m trying to imagine the thrill.…

Postscript: Seventy-two hours after writing this, Maralyn Mathias peacefully left this earth to meet her Lord. Her ability to swallow had stopped shortly after completing the above paragraphs. Nevertheless, she remained alert and even communicating with her husband, Jim, and other family members until her final 20 minutes of life. Her last breath was drawn at 10:35 a.m. on Sunday, January 4. She was 59 years old.

Her memorial service will be held on Saturday, January 10, at 10 a.m. at Christian Life Fellowship, Port Edwards, Wis. Visitation will occur at the church on the previous evening (Friday) from 4 to 7 p.m. and again on Saturday morning starting at 9 a.m.

A scholarship in Maralyn’s name will soon be established at Continental Theological Seminary in Brussels, Belgium, where she and Jim served 1987-2000. The specific account for receiving memorial gifts (in lieu of flowers, please) will be announced shortly by e-mail to all subscribers of this blog.

It All Comes Down to Trust

2008-12-27T15:55:00.010-06:00

Today is significant because things have shifted rather suddenly, and all indications are that I have only about a month to live. On the morning after Christmas I woke with a letter in my mind, and I got up early to write it to our children. When Jim woke up, he read it and wept. When my dad and stepmom awoke, we shared it with them. It was a very tender, sweet day as the kids also responded one by one to the letter they had received.

At first I was going to modify it for the blog, then I realized that you, my faithful readers, have appreciated hearing how it really is. You might as well know the details.

So, I give you permission to “listen in” on the letter that I wrote to our children yesterday morning. Please note that at the end of this letter are some details about the end-of-life decisions I have made.

***

Dear Paul, Kristin, David & Rhonda,

As I look back over these 18 months, I can see that there were phases of my illness, and there was always a juncture that marked the beginning of the next phase. I remember in October when my steps first faltered, and in April when I could no longer carry on my exercise regimen. A few months later I needed my little “shopping cart” for a few things…then came the walker. There was a similar progression with my speaking.

I never rule out the possibility of a divine healing, but if that doesn’t happen all indications are that we’re at another of those junctures. I believe that the difficulties of this week are indicating that I am entering the final phase of my life. It seems that several of my systems are shutting down.

Lung Capacity
On my last visit to the doctor, my lung capacity was measured at 68%. It feels significantly less now. I can’t get a deep breath. Doing the smallest thing causes me to be short of breath. Do you remember as a child after a long hard cry, your body would give a little “after sob”? My body does that often now. I think it has something to do with my lack of oxygen.

Swallowing
This week my swallowing ability changed considerably. Last week I did better if there was a little bit of texture to the food. This week, suddenly, I can swallow nothing with texture. Even pureed foods are going down slowly, if at all. I’m going to try the liquid nutrition, but even liquids don't always go.

Heart
It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, my heartbeat elevates. Simply turning over in bed will do it. Because we have the clock that shines on the ceiling I’ve been able to monitor my heart rate and count the beats per minute. My normal resting rate is 68-70. Turning over in bed can kick it up to 90 for several minutes. Getting up and going to the bathroom I believe has several times pushed me into Atrial Fibrillation.

As you may remember, for the first two years of my A.Fib. saga, the bouts would occur monthly. Last fall it switched to every three weeks, and then a couple of months ago to every 9-12 days. In these last few weeks it has been much more frequent. This week it happened twice in three days. The trend is clear.

Circulation
For several months I’ve been having significant circulation problems, so my lower legs and feet are usually icy cold. My sweet husband is alert to when the heating pad may be cooling off. (This amazing man is a “book” of his own!)

Mouth
My tongue is so strange. It’s deeply encrusted with yellow stuff. I read online that this is normal for ALS patients. My breath is bad no matter what I do. My gums are also sometimes swollen. Even my teeth have slid around a little bit, making my bite off. The teeth on the lower left side of my mouth are now tipped slightly out, causing me to bite my cheek several times a day. It makes it hard to manipulate anything in my mouth. Anyway, my whole mouth and throat seem to be crying.

Bowels
My bowels have not functioned normally for months, probably because I’m not eating very much bulk and I'm not active enough. Suppositories have been necessary for quite some time to get anything to happen, and they’re not even working that well now.

Hydration
I try to drink enough water, but my mouth and throat are excessively dry at night. I’m using the chin strap to try to keep my mouth and lips closed while sleeping, and it helps; but still the last 3-4 hours of the night involve regular swishing, because my mouth becomes bone dry every 30-45 minutes.

Strength
I have a few little ways to measure my strength like stepping up from the family room to living room, lifting myself out of the bath, walking up the ramp from the garage, and getting up from the couch in the family room. Yesterday I noticed a considerable difference in coming up the steps at David’s. I could barely get my legs to the next step, let alone exert any pressure to lift. And last night I couldn’t get up off the couch without help. Whereas, one week ago I came up our basement steps unassisted.

Muscle control
My drooling has become a nuisance. I just can’t keep my lips together. Also hand muscles revolt at the simplest demand. Just picking up a glass of water or trying to fasten a snap can make my hands contort.

Body Weight
My body weight is telling the tale. Over 18 months I’ve gone from 158 (71kg) to 102 (46kg).

How Long?
Only God knows how long I have, but Dr. Rolak did say that once a person can’t eat, the maximum is about a month; and that’s if they can take hydration, otherwise about a week. I’m not there yet, because I can still drink and eat a little bit of pureed foods, but these last few days have jolted me to attention. I can see it coming soon.

Hospice
We met with two people from the Hospice team and they are ready to begin when we are. We decided to wait until after my January 8th doctor’s appointment. Then we will probably begin with them the next day. That means that we will have regular medical and practical support here in our home. What a blessing!

Bright Spot
In a way I’m glad it is turning out this way. All along I have prayed that I wouldn’t have to become totally incapacitated before I died. The thought of living in the “Power Wheelchair” has not been appealing to me. That involves a whole new set of equipment and function, including a van to haul me around. I don’t want to go there--for my sake or Jim’s. I’m happy that I can still bathe myself, and I’m glad I can still easily write on the computer and use my ACD (speaking machine). And I’m exceedingly grateful that my mental capacity is fully intact. So, if the end is coming before these things also fade away, I see it as another BIG blessing.

Smile
Jim and I have a little private joke. Here’s how it goes:

Jim: “Are you praying for healing? Because God seems to be listening to you!”

Me: “Of course, I pray every day for healing. I DO want to live.” (He always teases me saying that maybe I want more to be in heaven than to be with him. Smile)

Jim: “So what is God saying back to you?”

Me: “He always says the same thing to me: ‘You’re in my hands…trust me…I love you.’”

Jim: “Well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” (At this point I usually get a big hug.)

(smile)

Well kids, it all comes down to TRUST, doesn’t it? Let’s continue to trust Him together.

Thank you for the loving support you have been to both of us throughout this whole story. You’re the best kids in the universe!

Love,
Mom

Now to My Blog Readers
My end-of-life choices:
Since the beginning, my doctors have been open about the choices we would need to make. Some ALS patients opt to be attached to life support: feeding tubes and ventilators. After hearing all of the details, I (with my family’s support) have chosen not to have those for two major reasons. First, because they often introduce other painful complications, like pneumonia and infections. Second, because at some point one of my loved ones would have to decide when to have me unhooked from the machines. I don’t want either of those things. It was surprising to learn that choosing not to have a feeding tube is the least painful way for an ALS patient to die. Because the amount of food decreases gradually, there is no sensation of hunger, and no pain. The patient just becomes sleepier. This is the gentle, natural way to go. It seems right for me.

mm

P.S. I had fun buying the grandkids' gifts this Christmas! :-) (The girls were here at Thanksgiving time, but we were with the boys on Christmas day. Fun stuff!)

Jolene got a personalized peg board.
Elliana got a personalized ladybug backpack.
Micah got a personalized train.
Levi got a personalized train backpack.
Reuben got a personalized lunch pail.

P.S.S. It's just lovely that my dad and stepmom could be with us for this whole holiday season (Dec. 22-January 3). We're having a relaxing time, and have played Mexican Train Dominoes several nights. Oooo-eeee I got beat really bad! (smile)

Our Christmas Letter

2008-12-21T18:21:00.013-06:00

The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means God with us. Matt. 1:23

Hi,

What an unusual but blessed year we’ve had! As most of you know, June 21, 2007, brought the news that Maralyn has ALS, a degenerative neuromuscular disease. So last August we moved back to the States to facilitate her medical care. It sounds difficult, and in a way it has been, but we have been keenly aware that our Lord is Immanuel—God with us. We have been looking back over our lives and celebrating God’s presence among us all along the path. We can see…

• How blessed we were to both be raised in loving families who pointed us toward God.

• How fortunate that we were both at Evangel College at the same moment and found each other there.

• How God gave us many lifetime friends during our years at Evangel.

• How it was God’s good plan that we chose Wisconsin as our first public school teaching location—a place where we would live 17 years before our missions work—and a perfect place to land afterwards.

• How God arranged a work trip to Brussels in 1984 which became the launching pad for our missionary teaching career.

• How God gave us the privilege of preparing hundreds of young people for ministry.

• How God gave us the gift of pastoring the international church in Helsinki for one year.

• How God protected our boys and helped them thrive through our missions experience.

• How God brought two beautiful daughters-in-law into our life, both from godly families.

• How God gave us five grandchildren to love…and there’s a sixth one on the way! David & Rhonda are expecting their fourth and it is due on Maralyn’s 60th birthday. (And we now know that it's another boy! How cute is that?!)

• How rich we are with friends…like YOU!

It’s clear that Immanuel has been with us all along the way, and His presence still graces every day!

This photo was taken when our family was together over Thanksgiving.

Merry Christmas from both of us!
Jim & Maralyn

P.S. If you've been following my story from the beginning, you may remember that the doctor said that I probably had 12-18 months to live. If you look at your calendar you'll see that today is 18 months. My life is in God's hands! What better place could it be? mm

Feedback

2008-12-16T07:01:00.002-06:00

I love the feedback from my blog. I usually get 5-15 comments here for public eyes to view, but I receive many more in my personal e-mail. It’s always great to hear how God is using my experience to encourage you. Amazingly, this blog is now being read in 65 countries of the world with an average of 70 hits a day. It has been really fun to watch it grow!

On my last blog about heaven (Turn On the Light) there were a couple of responses that I wanted to share with you.

The first was a discussion about why we’re so reluctant to talk about heaven. The conclusion was that the subject of heaven is usually linked to the subject of death—and that’s probably why we avoid it. Makes sense. The thing we dread the most (death) is linked to the thing that will be our best experience ever (heaven) so it creates a dilemma. Do we want to think about that good thing or not? Most of us have opted not. (smile)

The other feedback (from my friend Arnelle) was a really cute story which illustrates this worst/best scenario. It will make you smile!

***

The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day they were on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when she said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”

Later the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. ”Why nothing,” Peter replied, “remember this is your reward in Heaven.” The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any he had ever seen on Earth.

“What are the greens fees?” grumbled the old man. “This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free--every day.” Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, with unlimited beverages. “Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. “This is Heaven. It is all free for you to enjoy.” The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?” he asked.

“That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. ”You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!” The old man pushed, “No gym to work out at?” “Not unless you want to,” was the answer. “No testing my sugar or blood pressure.” “Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”

The old man glared at his wife and said, ”You and your doggone bran muffins! We could have been here ten years ago!”

Turn On The Light

2008-12-08T08:47:00.034-06:00

Are you ready? Because it’s confession time!

I’m really excited about heaven!

I’ve been keeping this quiet because some of my close friends have indicated that they are uncomfortable with my talking about heaven. It seems that they think it will make me give up on life…and stop praying for healing. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Talking about heaven makes me want to live life even more fully. I believe that looking at my life in light of heaven has helped me know what’s important here on earth.

During the first few months after my ALS diagnosis I had 4-5 people tell me, “Oh, you need to read Randy Alcorn’s book Heaven.” I had finally decided that I needed to go buy it when our friends Ralph and Harriet sent me their copy. They had just finished reading it and had been blessed so much that they wanted to pass it on to us. The same week J.R. and Sue gave us Randy Alcorn’s devotional readings about Heaven, a spin-off of the main book. Then I was faced with a dilemma—which to read first. Finally, I decided to start with the long one, the theological treatise. Reading it took months, but I read a little bit each evening and it filled my dreams with sweet imaginations about Heaven, the New Heaven, and the New Earth.

The part that surprised me most was the part about the New Earth. I had never really thought much about that before. Evidently after Christ comes back, and the judgment takes place, and Satan is banished to Hell, and it’s "the end of the age," then it’s time to enjoy the New Earth. Alcorn says it's inherent that we love earth and don’t want to leave it. God created us to love earth and he’s going to fulfill that longing by giving us a new redeemed earth. The New Earth will be the way God had intended it to be in the first place…with no death…no disappointment…no broken relationships…no treachery…no disease…no deception…no jealousy...and no pain! It’s hard for us to imagine an earth like that, because our world is laced with brokenness. Alcorn believes that on the New Earth we’ll have jobs, and we’ll travel…he even believes that the cultures will still be intact. I hope he’s right because there are lots of places I wanted to visit and didn’t get to…Asia...Africa…South America…Australia...and others.

And what do we know about heaven? It’s certainly not the boring place some people imagine it to be. Think of your happiest moment here on earth…now magnify it! That’s a piece of the “rush” we’ll have there. Some things that we do know about heaven are…

We will be with God. (Rev. 21:3) I don’t think we can even imagine how great it’s going to be in his arms.

There will be no more sadness! (Rev. 21:4) Think how many times a day we’re sad about something…or disappointed. There will be no more tears. It’s hard to fathom, isn't it?

It’s beyond our imagination. (I Cor. 2:9) The Bible says our senses can’t even imagine how good it’s going to be. Wow!

It’s our real home! (Phil.3:20) We’re just travelers here, but we are “citizens” of heaven. Can you imagine how comfortable it will be to finally be home…for the first time. Like walking into your own home after a long vacation.

We won’t have these broken bodies anymore! (Phil. 3:21) No more sickness, no dread of the next lab report, or MRI, or treatment…

Wow! That means that my body will be able to walk without assistance (even run, skip, and maybe even do some cheerleading jumps again--smile). I’ll be able to speak again (oh, I can speak now, but nobody can understand me—smile). I’ll be able to sing (maybe even better than I could on earth—smile). And I’ll be able to eat pizza again (I’m pretty sure that will be my first meal in heaven--smile).

Okay, I’m a patient person, and I’m ready to take things in God’s good timing, so if I’m healed and need to wait 30 years to go to heaven...that’s perfectly fine with me. I will be delighted!

But if it's God's plan that I go to heaven sooner…why not? Whenever it’s my time, I’m ready…and curious…and excited!

You know? Many of us walk through this life on earth as if this is all there is. So we work overtime to have nicer houses, or more clothes, or more stylish furniture—forgetting that all of that stuff will be left here. None of it goes with us.

But when we turn on the light of eternity, we can see what part of earth is illuminated….only those things that will last forever. No stuff! Just relationships! Our relationship with God, first of all, then the relationships with others as we have influenced them to love God and choose to spend eternity with him.

But here’s my question: Why do we have to be near death to talk and think about heaven? Shouldn’t we be talking about it every day? Wouldn’t it help keep things here on earth in perspective? Wouldn’t it help us make wiser choices about how we’re spending our energies? I think so.

I think our worlds would flip upside down if we just stopped and honestly asked ourselves this question: “How much of my time do I spend each day on eternal things?”

If you’re reading this and you’re not sure if you’re on your way to heaven, what better time than now to make that decision? That’s the most important choice of your life…to receive Christ as your personal Savior and allow him to totally reshape your priorities.

I’ve decided! I’m not going to hide my excitement any longer. Heaven is the best thing any of us have going! I think we need to let the anticipation for it grow…and grab our hearts!

I finished the book Heaven several months ago, then read some other things in the mean time, but this week Jim and I launched into the devotional book: Fifty Days of Heaven: Reflections That Bring Eternity to Light. And all of those feelings I had earlier are coming back! I can barely contain the excitement!

I want to invite you—no urge you—to buy the book and read it with us. Just click on this link to order it at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/50-Days-Heaven-Reflections-Eternity/dp/1414309767/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228746694&sr=1-5

Why not make it a Christmas gift to yourself? You might also want to order it as a gift for some of your friends. It might be the best gift you’ve ever given or received.

It’s my prayer that these readings will help us all Turn On The Light.

mm

P.S. I think God gives little glimpses of heaven while still on earth. For grandmas these are often the times when family is all together. I had one of those moments Thanksgiving weekend as all of our kids and grandkids were under one roof. We had an early Christmas celebration and it was sweet. Don’t you love this photo where each kid is holding his/her initial? The kids' ages are: Reuben (5), Levi (4), Elliana (3), Micah (18 months), Jolene (13 months). (Yes, Micah was having a hard moment…smile.)

I feel blessed to have kids who understand the importance of living their lives in light of eternity. And...I was really amazed at how we could discuss my end-of-life issues so openly and gently. Important decisions were made in the loving context of family. I think this is how God meant it to be…and we all got a little glimpse of heaven.

Two Pots

2008-11-25T07:04:00.014-06:00

In his book Come Thirsty Max Lucado paints an unforgettable word picture of worry:

“It works like this. Let’s say a stress stirrer comes your way. The doctor decides you need an operation. She detects a lump and thinks it best that you have it removed. So there you are, walking out of her office. You’ve just been handed this cup of anxiety. What are you going to do with it? You can place it in one of two pots.

You can dump your bad news in the vat of worry and pull out the spoon. Turn on the fire. Stew on it. Stir it. Mope for a while. Brood for a time. Won’t be long before you’ll have a pot of pessimism…

How about a different idea? The pot of prayer. Before the door of the doctor’s office closes, give the problem to God. ‘I receive your lordship. Nothing comes to me that hasn’t passed through you.’ In addition stir in a healthy helping of gratitude…you remember the tax refund, the timely counsel, or the sudden open seat on the overbooked flight. A glimpse into the past generates strength for the future.”

I believe this is an accurate picture of the message in Philippians 4:6-7. “Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Max Lucado concludes that our roles are clear: Our job is prayer and gratitude. God’s job is peace and protection.

Sometimes I stir the prayer pot, but this past week I chose to walk over to the worry pot and stir for a couple of days. My swallowing is harder, eating is harder, taking pills is harder, and sleeping is harder because my lip muscles won’t keep my mouth tightly closed anymore. So the air that comes in with every breath makes my tongue, lips, cheeks, and throat so dry I have to swish water about every hour. Not very restful!

So all of those “what-if’s” began zooming around in my mind, and soon I was drooping around the worry pot. But it didn’t take long to realize that worry drags me down. Everything felt hopeless!

On the other hand, I notice that prayer and gratitude lift me up because as I reflect on the ways God has helped me in the past, I remember that he can also take care of the present and the future.

God has intervened many times in my life…
--When I was five years old I was exposed to Spinal Meningitis. So when I began to have the symptoms of the disease, my parents called in their friends to pray for me. As they were praying, my fever broke and I started feeling better—immediately. All of the symptoms disappeared and I was completely healed.

--In the raising of our two boys there were two accidents in which the boys could have been seriously injured, but they escaped with only a scratch and a black eye.

--When Jim was in seminary I needed a job, and God provided a first grade teaching job in a spectacular way.

--The raising of our budget for missions carried several spectacular stories of God’s provision.

--Often I needed wisdom in dealing with the issues of students, and many times God gave me supernatural insight.

--In relation to my ALS, one of my biggest gushes of thankfulness comes when I think about the fact that I still have strong fingers. So, I can type on my ACD (speaking machine), I can instant message with former students on Facebook, I can write e-mails, and I can still write this blog!

And even in my current situation, God has already provided help:

--Grace sent me a book of tasty puree recipes, Karen cooked them up for me, and this new system is working well. Eating feels manageable again.

--Ruth helped me locate a chin strap to use at night to keep my mouth closed. I’ll be trying that for the first time this week.

--The medication that we thought couldn’t be crushed, could be. So I’m still taking my essential pills…just in a different form. Those pills go down easily in lemon pudding (smile).

Now, I want to tell you the sequence of steps in developing this blog, because through this process I’ve seen a mini version of how God provides help:

--First, almost two weeks ago, I was with my friend “F” because she was driving me to do my errands.

--As a matter of conversation she told me about her Bible study group, and their latest topic—worry. She shared about a worry in her own life and how God had showed her that hanging onto control was really lack of trust. I was in a peaceful place myself, so I received this as simply friend to friend conversation.

--Five days later when my issues surfaced and I began to worry, I remembered what F had said.

--I dug into scripture and was comforted by Philippians 4:6-7. I imagined two pots of stuff that I could stir, and I needed to choose not to stir the worrisome stuff, but give the control to God as F had.

--I e-mailed F and told her about my latest crisis, and asked for the scriptures her group had studied. I told her this would be my next blog topic.

--She answered with Philippians 4:6-7 (yeah!), and sent me the Lucado story, which was so similar to the image in my brain. (just amazing!)

--I just shook my head. Wow! What a confirmation! God obviously needed to teach me this, and he must have also wanted me to say it to you. (I love how God works!)

So do you ever worry? Of course you do. You’re human! (smile)

So here’s what I’m learning: When we’re tempted to worry, we need to ask ourselves: “Can I do anything about this situation?” If the answer is “Yes,” then we should take the necessary action. If the answer is “No,” then we must walk away from the worry pot and throw the thing into the prayer pot. And as we pray, we need to flashback, remembering God’s loving care in our lives.

This whole process leads to peace…God’s peace, and nothing is sweeter than that!

Now! When I forget and wander back over to the worry pot, would you please remind me to get back over to the prayer pot? Thank you! (smile)

To my American friends: Happy Thanksgiving--around your prayer pot! (smile)

mm

P.S. Sunday morning our son Paul arrived with Elliana, who is almost 3. She is adorable! She’s always been below the charts for weight and height, so she is tiny, but powerful. She loves the story of “Snow White” so I picked up this little dress for her to play in while she was here. She likes pretending to be a princess. Her mommy and little sister will be here Wednesday. We’ll have Thanksgiving Thursday and Friday with Jim’s extended family, then we’ll have two days with just our two boys and their families—a little pre-Christmas gathering.

And that’s another way I’m blessed--with a wonderful family!

The Good...The Bad...and The Ugly

2008-11-15T06:15:00.007-06:00

Where did this phrase originate? Was it a movie? I think so. The three words are always in that order, but today I’m going to turn them around. I’m going to talk about the Ugly, the Bad, and then the Good.

THE UGLY: ALS is a thief. It’s always stealing something from me. Right now it’s stealing my muscle: the muscle in my legs, the muscle in my lips, the muscle in my feet, the muscle in my thumbs. Do you realize how many things you need your thumbs for!?

THE BAD: I know that using muscle is the only way to strengthen it, so I try to do my exercises every day. They’re not easy, so I try to make them fun. This week while exercising I’ve been listening to one of my favorite radio speakers—Charles Swindoll. He’s doing a study through the book of Daniel. One day he was talking about the unseen world. He said that if we could see the invisible battles that are always going on around us, we’d be shocked. Powers of darkness and light are always battling for our minds.

I had already been thinking about that, and an image came to my mind:

Life is a hill—a hill that takes a lifetime to climb. God had planned for our life to be a scenic, peaceful climb. However, because of Adam and Eve’s sin, our perfect world became corrupted with all kinds of brokenness. It’s like Satan released millions of boulders from the top of the hill. Big ones, small ones, and medium-sized ones. They are constantly rolling toward us, making our climb difficult. The boulders come in the form of disappointments, relational problems, accidents, abuse, disease, and many other things. Some come slowly, and some appear quickly out of nowhere, but they are relentless.

As we climb Satan is taunting us, telling us we’re never going to make it. He’s trying to get us to panic. He’s telling us to give up. He’s saying that God doesn’t care about us. He’s inciting us to be angry with God.

THE GOOD: God wouldn’t have planned for us to have a boulder-filled life, but since that’s what mankind chose, at least he wants us to let him bring something good from each one of them. As the boulders bombard us, God is there--coaching us, loving us, teaching us how to grow through each trial. Each time we wrestle with a boulder our muscle gets stronger, so we’re more ready for the next challenge. God is pleased when our hard times deepen our relationship with Him. You know? As human beings, we can become quite independent! But the boulders remind us that we need God.

I’ve heard lots of people’s woes during these 17 months since my diagnosis, but the most common phrase I’ve heard (without a doubt!) is that someone is mad at God. Even people who don’t believe there is a God are often angry with him. (smile)

I’m almost 60. So I’ve earned the right to give a little motherly advice, don’t you think? (smile) Here it comes:

Don’t be angry with God! He’s your best help in dealing with the boulders of this life. Let the hard things push you toward God…not away from him.

That’s GOOD stuff! (smile)

mm

P.S. I have to tell you a couple of cute stories from one of the best parts of my life…the grandkids.

My four-year-old grandson Levi is fascinated by my ACD (talking machine). When I see him I type in, “Hi Levi.” When the machine speaks, he grins from ear to ear. Then he comes over to the machine, leans over it and says, “Hi!” The other day he told his mommy, “I’m going to go tell the machine something.” (smile)

Another story, this time about Reuben who is five (all set for his first day of kindergarten in this photo). A few months back when I still had a voice, albeit undependable, I began to read him a story. But after reading one page, my voice faded away so I suggested that he let Ukki (Jim) finish the story. Later that evening he told his mommy, “I had Ukki read to me today because Mummo doesn’t know how to read.” (smile)

God's ACD's

2008-11-06T06:50:00.021-06:00

Has God ever spoken to you audibly? Me neither. In fact, I only know one person who has had that experience. But God does have many “alternative” ways of communicating. He speaks through his Word…through sermons…through music…through circumstances...through other people...through his creation...and through many other means. He finds ways of making himself known, so if our hearts are open we’ll hear him.

Because of my own speaking challenges, I’ve been thinking about this. My voice doesn’t work hardly at all so I use gestures…paper and pencil…extreme facial expressions…I even write in the air sometimes.

My Alternative Communication Device (ACD) arrived. I type what I want to say and it speaks for me. It's a little hard to understand but it's better than nothing. This one is a rental but the updated model will be here soon. Hopefully it will have better vocal inflections. (smile)

God’s determination to make himself understood has been my inspiration!

In fact, God spoke to Jim and me in a very unusual way this week. Here’s how it happened:

One day we were looking at the statistics about this blog site and marveling that there were readers now in 49 countries of the world! We’ve had almost 2000 hits this month, averaging 62 per day. And in October alone there were 465 NEW readers. That shocked us! We were rejoicing at how God has taken a very negative thing like ALS and has used it to do positive things.

As we were looking at those site statistics Jim said, “Remember that prophecy about you?”

I did remember, but had discounted it when it didn’t come true.

“No, think about it,” he insisted, “remember when that man said that your ministry would expand to many new cities?”

Yes. (I had pictured traveling to all of those places!)

“It HAS, Honey! Look at how God is ministering through you to so many people! And you’re touching people in cities we've never heard of. Did you write down exactly what the man said?”

Yes somewhere, but I have no idea where it is.

“Why don’t you try to find it? Remember he was crying the whole time he was saying that?”

Yes and I had cried even into the next morning because I had felt like God had really spoken to me.

“Try to find it.”

So I began digging into my old papers to see if I could find where I had written it down. Finally, I found it! And when I read it my mouth dropped open and I sat there in stunned silence. Then came the tears. “God, you are amazing!”

It was a Finnish businessman and church elder, a man we didn’t know, who had given me this word, and it had happened almost four years ago at a pastors’ conference in Finland! Here’s what he said:

“Your work will expand to include many other cities. Your influence will grow significantly. You have some of the keys already—both of you—and new shoots of growth are coming. You are in a significant time of growth right now. He is preparing you for what’s coming. Something new and strong has begun. He is going to use you in new ways that you can’t imagine. God holds out a scepter to you. Don’t be afraid. Move ahead into what God invites you to do.”

I guess that man was one of God’s “Alternative Communication Devices," and in God’s perfect timing we figured out what God had spoken to us--just when we needed a lift.

Last week was one of our toughest yet! I had one whole day of Atrial Fibrillation, several bouts of heart arrhythmia, and increased difficulty eating and swallowing. My body continues to lose muscle mass (and weight) so I’m noticeably weaker. Sometimes it’s overwhelming for both of us…and last week was one of those times.

It was a wonderful time to hear so directly from God and it was an enormous encouragement to us!

I keep thinking about my 465 new readers. I wonder who you are. Who referred you to my site? Do you also have a life threatening illness? Do you need a personal relationship with Jesus? Are you searching for peace? If so, I encourage you to find a Bible and read the entire book of John. It’s one of the four Gospels. Before you begin, ask God to speak into your life. Then read John from beginning to end, noticing who Christ is and what he wants to be to you. I hope you’ll choose to give your life completely to him. That is the most important decision of your whole earthly existence. If this happens (and I pray that it does) then find a Bible believing church and get to know some other believers. God will show you how to grow in him and become all he has planned for you to be. Get used to listening to his voice. You'll find it in many places!

Is it possible that God could use me, a perfect stranger, to speak into your life? I hope so. By the way, if you and I don’t get to meet on this earth, come find me in heaven and tell me your story!

That’s a pretty creative God who can use a lady who needs an ACD to be an ACD. (smile)

mm

P.S. One of the happiest spots of our week was Friday when Rhonda brought our three grandsons to go trick-or-treating.

We have a lovely neighborhood with many Christian families and it seemed like all of Nekoosa had brought their preschoolers to our street to go door to door for candy. It was like a big block party. Most adults don’t dress up, but our very creative daughter-in-law had created cute costumes for all six of us. We were dressed in pairs. Reuben and I were clowns…Jim and Levi were soldiers…Rhonda and Micah were frogs. It was lots of fun! And who could have dreamed that the temperature in Wisconsin on October 31 would be 66F (20C)?
If you'd like to see all of the photos from our fun afternoon, copy and paste this link into your browser: http://gallery.me.com/rdmathias#100129

God is FOR you!

2008-10-20T15:38:00.036-05:00

Micah is crazy about Jim, and Jim is crazy about Micah. This little love affair is played out every time our two families are together. Micah reaches for Jim. Jim smiles at him and takes him. Micah lays his head on Jim’s shoulder, sometimes with his thumb and bear, and the two of them snuggle. Or in playing together, Jim makes a silly sound and Micah cracks up, like it is the funniest thing in the world. Once when we arrived at their house, Micah was done eating, but hadn’t eaten very well. But when Jim sat down to feed him, he ate a lot! And even during the height of his stranger anxiety phase (around 11 months old) he wouldn't go to anyone except Mommy, Daddy, and Ukki (Jim). Around that time, one day we were babysitting and we thought for sure he'd cry when his parents pulled out of the driveway, but he didn't. He just laid his little head on Jim’s shoulder as if to say: No problem. I'm with my buddy! (smile)

It’s the sweetest thing in the world!

Lately as I have been watching this cuteness, I’ve been hearing God tell me that that’s the way he feels about me…that he is really FOR me!

My Beth Moore Bible study “Stepping Up” is an in depth look at the Psalms of Ascent. These 15 Psalms (120-134) were associated with the 15 steps in the temple. They were sung on the pilgrimage to the Three Great Feasts, and also sung by exiles returning to Jerusalem from captivity.

This has been a particularly rich study for me! Especially Psalm 124 has blessed me these last few days.

“…..If God hadn’t been FOR us…... when everyone went against us, we would have been swallowed alive…...swept away by the flood…...drowned in the torment…...we would have lost our lives in the wild, raging water..…” (Ps. 124:1-5 MSG)

In the workbook, Beth makes this statement:
“Regardless of how long we’ve been Christians and how deeply we’ve studied God’s Word, most of us don’t really believe down in the marrow of our bones that God is entirely, wholeheartedly, and unwaveringly on our side.”
It’s probably not that we feel God is against us, but rather that we’re just one of the bunch of human beings. Maybe he just tolerates us.

No! You and I are special to him…like Micah is to Jim! Like Jim is to Micah!

Now, this doesn’t mean that Jim loves only Micah. He has a close relationship with each of our five grandchildren, but that takes nothing from his special little friendship with Micah. I’m no more special to God than you are…but we are both his treasures! Amazing truth, isn’t it?

One of the recent readings (Oct. 7) in my Joni Eareckson’s “Diamonds in the Dust” devotional book augmented this idea. “Whether you are weak or strong, saintly or struggling, Jesus cares for you. I realize that you may be thinking, ‘Sure, Jesus cares for me in the general sense, as for the whole world, but when it comes to specifics, surely there must be others He is more interested in. After all, I can’t pray out loud…I have a hard time understanding the Bible…I can’t seem to shake bad habits. Yes, I know He cares but not as much as He does for more obedient types.’ Not so. The Lord’s care for you does not hinge on your hang-ups. His care for you has nothing to do with your baggage of personal problems…As a child of God you matter. For you, dear believer, have the full force and undivided attention of eternal Love. Love that cares with no strings attached.”

Wow!

Can you imagine God reaching for you the way Jim does for Micah? Can you feel him laughing with you? Can you feel him anticipating your needs? I recently heard of a lady who thought God had given her cancer because she had been a lukewarm Christian. I don't believe that's how our loving God works!

God is FOR you and God is FOR me! If we will let this soak deeply into our spirits...we’ll be changed people.

God loves you more than Jim loves Micah!

“God, I thank you for showing me these past few days that you are FOR me, really FOR me. Without you there’s no way I could have ever handled this terrible disease. I’d have been swept away long ago. But because of your love, I’m thriving!”

mm

P.S. Yes! I got my new walker and it is wonderfully sturdy and helpful. "Guess who" took "guess who" for a ride on it? You guessed it! (smile)

Answer to Prayer

2008-10-09T09:59:00.005-05:00

You know, something amazing has happened. Leading up to last Thursday, I was having quite difficult nights...every 2-3 hours I was having a coughing jag, battling the phlegm that collects in my windpipe. Those episodes are hard to experience, because it's hard to catch my breath, but even harder for Jim to watch.

Then came Thursday. I was scheduled to speak at a ladies group that evening (through Ruth's voice, of course) and a bout of Atrial Fibrillation (irregular heartbeat...totally unrelated to the ALS) grabbed me and held me tight all day, making it even harder to move and breathe. It was discouraging!

I couldn't go to speak, but Ruth did it for me. (Amazing woman!) Anyway, that night I was very tired as the A.Fib. had robbed me of my energy. Jim sat on the edge of my bed, held my hand, and prayed a gentle prayer, "God, we need your help. We don't know what to do." He kissed me and tucked me in.

And, believe it or not, the minute he flipped off the light, my heart kicked back into rhythm and I slept like a baby...all night. And guess what? I haven't had one night coughing episode since then!

I know it's a God thing! It was so black and white...lots of those coughing fits...and then NONE! Praise God!

Thank you for praying! Please don't stop!

The Gift? of Suffering

2008-10-06T10:39:00.022-05:00

When you’re sad who’s the person you like to go to? My guess is it’s someone who’s been seasoned by pain themselves. I’ve found that people who’ve had some hard times are the best counselors because they know how it feels to hurt. And they care.

That’s the stream for today, but first a report from my doctor’s appointment on Friday:

My neurologist confirmed what I already knew—that the ALS is advancing in my body. I’m weaker than three months ago. I’m losing lung capacity--down from 100% to 68%. And yet he reiterated that the progression of the disease is slower than usual. At the end he said, “Well, I’ll see you in three months!” It’s funny but that statement was a lift to both Jim and me. (smile)

On a practical level I can barely speak…eating is tenuous…and nights can be long as I work to dislodge the phlegm that collects in my windpipe. My walking is unstable enough that I’ve begun to use a walker. In short, my situation is challenging!

This week someone introduced me as “suffering with ALS,” and I realized once again that I don’t identify with that image. I guess I think of suffering as having excruciating pain (I have none) or severe mental anguish (my mind is peaceful).

But a few months ago, I hugged my friend who has MS and lightly said, ”Hello, my fellow sufferer!” He said, “Well, I don’t really think of myself as suffering…after all, nobody has pierced my side with a sword.”

His response stayed in my mind because it’s true! What we’re going through is nothing compared to Christ’s suffering.

But as I’ve been pondering, I’ve realized that everybody on earth suffers from something. Pain is inherent in this world. We get so used to the pressure of sadness all around us that it begins to feel normal. So even though our suffering is different than Christ’s, we do suffer. All of us.

I admit that Jim and I are suffering. We had really wanted to spend these golden years together…continuing to minister side-by-side…enjoying our family…and celebrating our love. So yes, we are suffering.

This week I flashed back to one year ago when I was on my way to see my new grandbaby Jolene in Pennsylvania. It was my brother Daniel who picked me up at the airport, and it was onto him that I dumped my frustration about the “death sentence” of ALS. He wisely counseled me to accept the fact that I was being called to suffer. (See my blog entry “Through” November 3, 2007.) Daniel was here visiting us this week and we talked again about the fact that God must have called me to this ministry for a reason.

With all of these thoughts sailing through my head, it’s not surprising that God illuminated II Corinthians 1:3-5.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

As I read those verses I could visualize a garden fountain like those on European castle grounds. They usually have at least three tiers. The one on top spills out onto the second one, and that one spills onto the third…

The top is like Christ’s suffering, but his suffering overflows as comfort.

You and I are the second tier. We suffer but we draw comfort from the fact that Christ suffered, too. He’s been there so he knows, and he feels with us.

Our peers are the third tier. As we suffer there is a natural overflow—it’s God’s suffering and comfort mixed with our own that streams into the lives of our friends.

I'm beginning to see that it’s God design for the flow to continue…through the ages.

Here’s the reality: Once we’ve suffered with something…with anything…we’re more tender, compassionate, and sensitive to the pain of others. So we’re more ready to minister.

But here’s a shock! This week I saw another verse--a companion to the one above. In Philippians 1:29 it says: “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him...” The footnote in my Bible told me that the word "granted" is from the Greek word that means “to be given as a gift or privilege”—indicating that suffering is a gift. H-m-m-m! I need time to absorb that because this does not feel like a gift! (smile)

But I don’t want to mislead you either. We have lots of fun every day. We enjoy each other’s company more than ever. We laugh. We tease. We reflect. We celebrate the moments we have. Plus we have lots of guests. The month of September we were alone only four days! (smile)

So even though we’re suffering we’re also rejoicing. Why? Because we feel Christ’s comfort splashing into our lives. And I’m “whooshing” it on to you! Now, don’t stop the flow. Go flood someone with love. (smile)

mm

P.S. Hey! Do you want to see how beautiful our little Jolene has become this year? She’ll be one on October 16. She is so cute, sweet, and congenial. Do you see any resemblance to Jim in that little face? (smile)

P.S.S. And guess what? We just got the wonderful news that grandbaby #6 is on the way. David and Rhonda have announced that their fourth child is due on April 23…my 60th birthday. Isn’t that fun?!

Tent Camping

2008-09-15T11:51:00.028-05:00

Labor Day in the USA is the first Monday of September. And since the next day marks the beginning of school in Wisconsin, many families do one more camping trip on Labor Day weekend.

Our son David’s family lives on the edge of a national park, so they wisely just went up the hill and pitched their tent, figuring that if one of their three preschoolers didn’t fare well, one parent could just take him home. All went well, though, and Levi (3) and Micah (1) slept through the whole night. Reuben (5) awoke and fretted when a big thunderstorm boomed and poured. So his mommy and daddy put him between them in their big double sleeping bag. They hugged and comforted him, and finally there in his mommy's and daddy's arms, he began to relax and feel safe.

This week I was reading in II Corinthians 5:1-10 about our heavenly bodies compared to our earthly ones. The passage begins like this: “Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.” Go to the passage and read the other nine verses. It’s a beautiful analogy showing our earthly bodies as temporary dwellings--tents--and our heavenly bodies as eternal houses. What a picture!

After reading this passage, I was pondering it all morning. God was encouraging me with the picture of the strong body that is awaiting me someday. I thought of how nice it will be to run, jump, skip and sing again.

That same day in the early afternoon I was scheduled to “speak” (through my friend Ruth’s voice) at a ladies group in the area. Jim was going to meet me there and set up my equipment, but I got there before he did. So as I was waiting in the car I flipped on a Christian radio station.

Suddenly there was the voice of someone called Pastor Greg Laurie, whom I had never heard of before and, believe it or not he was talking about our bodies as tents. I was jolted to attention!

I listened to the beginning of his sermon on the topic “What do you live for?”

He said that all of our efforts to make our tents look young are in vain. “We patch, paint, and stretch them (smile) but the body wasn’t meant to last forever.” He went on to say that we would all someday leave our tents to go live in our mansions!

Jim arrived and we needed to get set up, so I missed the end of the sermon, but later I found it online and listened to the rest. I recommend it! It’s at http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/A_New_Beginning/archives.asp?bcd=2008-9-4

When our bodies are healthy we feel pretty secure in them, but when the storms blow in it’s easy to see how flimsy our tents really are.

What’s the weakest part of your body? Do you have a bad back? Or perpetual sinus infections? Do you have diabetes or irritating allergies? Does bronchitis get you after every cold? Would you think it strange if I were to tell you to be glad for your weaknesses because they remind you that your earthly body is temporary?

I think one of the best things that has come from my diagnosis is that I’ve had to admit that I’m mortal. (smile) I knew it all along but I pushed that information away…refusing to think about it. Guess what? You’re mortal, too. (Sorry to have to break the news to you.) I don’t know what disease or accident will take you to heaven, but I know something will because your earthly house is a temporary one.

To give you an update, my tent is gradually declining and I’m slowly losing strength and function. There are no big changes, but I notice that it’s harder and harder for people to understand my speaking--especially right after eating. Getting my speech generating device has taken longer than we thought. I did get a used one, but it was too hard to understand. We laughed and said that it sounded like it had a worse case of ALS than I did. I should have the modern one soon. I can’t wait!

My walking is clumsy, more of a shuffle now, and I need help to go up even one step.

Eating is challenging because swallowing is hard. I have to cut my food into tiny pieces and chew very thoroughly, then it still often sticks halfway down. I have pretty regular coughing incidents. The hardest part is that I can’t talk at all while I’m eating. Can you imagine me, the talker, being silent during a meal? Me neither. (smile)

Then there’s the constant mucous/phlegm. Bothersome, for sure!

So, I’m reminded several times a day that I’m in a torn tent in the middle of a thunderstorm. I’m glad that my heavenly father lives with me in my tent, because often when I'm feeling helpless I ask him to hug and comfort me. And there in his arms, I finally begin to relax and feel safe--just like Reuben.

Hopefully, this blog will remind all of us to spend our efforts developing our inner man…because that's the only part of us that is eternal!

I don’t plan to exchange my tent for a mansion soon, but it’s good to know that it’s there when it’s time.

So! Let's not fret, but rather relax and enjoy the rest of the days we have on earth--while we're still tent camping! (smile)

mm

P.S. David and Rhonda’s camping trip was a few days before Labor Day, so they spent the actual day (September 1) with us on a pontoon boat on the lake.

It was a fun day in the sun!

Homework Assignment

2008-09-06T17:52:00.008-05:00

Well…the search for more expressions like our American “Every cloud has a silver lining” was fun. To those 10 people who responded, you get an "A" on this assignment! :-) By the way, if you still want to get credit for this assignment, send your late work to me at annies_recipes@yahoo.com or add it as a comment on this blog. You won't get full credit, but I will add your entry here to the top of the list. (Smile!)

Here are the results for you to enjoy!

FRENCH (Belgium)
After the rain comes the nice weather.

ARABIC (Morocco)
What does not kill makes stronger.

SWEDISH (Sweden)
There’s no bad that doesn’t bring some good as well.

FINNISH (Finland)
The sun also shines on a pile of brushwood.
And
There’s nothing bad without something good.
And
Every cloud has a silver lining.
And
Every cloud has a golden lining.

LITHUANIAN (Lithuania)
There is nothing bad that will not work out.

BAHASA MALAY (Malaysia)
Be prepared to suffer first, so that in the future you may live in comfort.
And
Today we may get nothing, but tomorrow we may get something.
And
Fortune and misfortune will keep changing.

AFRIKAANS (South Africa)
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

ESTONIAN (Estonia)
There are two sides to every coin (or ... to everything).

ARABIC (Jordan)
Some days are like honey and some days are like onions.

ENGLISH (USA)
(My niece Sherri wrote…) “I don't have a saying from another culture, but my kids always comment something like this: ‘I don't know why they say there is a silver lining behind every cloud. They always look completely gold to me!’ Maybe it's an Oklahoma sky thing. :)“

Wasn't that fun? It just shows that this is a universal truth!

mm

Silver Edged Clouds

2008-08-26T12:21:00.007-05:00

I just want to say that physically I’m still the same. That’s a praise report and a thank you for all of your prayers. I can feel them—for sure!

I’m thoroughly captivated by the Chronicles of Narnia, and I’m already halfway through book #5 of 7. If you’ve seen the movies or read the books, you know that Jesus is portrayed through Aslan, a powerful but loving lion. The author C.S. Lewis masterfully portrays Christ’s intervention and guidance in our lives. Several times during the reading I’ve been moved to tears as I’ve been able to look back and see how God took difficult events in our life and turned them for good.

This illness is a good example. I can say for certain that I’m a better person than I was before the ALS diagnosis. I’m more focused. I’m more content. I’m more dependent on God. I’m more peaceful. Some really good things have happened deep within my spirit.

Scripture says it clearly: “And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:28)” Wow!

As human beings, we jump to conclusions about what is BAD or GOOD. The truth is that things that look bad often end up producing much good in our lives.

I dare you to write down the three most difficult things in your life…you know, the “bad” ones. Then examine them. What did you learn? What opportunities resulted? How did you grow?

I’m finding that this whole realization is causing me to pray for people differently. Instead of praying my usual, “Oh God, please take this away!” I’m more likely now to pray, “Oh God, please help them learn valuable lessons through this experience.”

In a nutshell, I’m learning that we mustn’t be so quick to label the events of our lives! Very often there’s a silver lining to the dark cloud.

I have a special request of you.

I can see from the map on Google Analytics that you, my blog readers, are all around the world. You’re in USA, Canada, Honduras, Argentina, Sweden, Finland, Russia, Ireland, Great Britain, Denmark, Estonia, Lithuania, France, Belgium, Netherlands, Spain, Germany, Italy, Austria, Hungary, Greece, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Congo, Kenya, India, Vietnam, Cambodia, Scotland, Thailand, Indonesia, Australia, Malaysia, Morocco, South Africa, and Kyrgyztan.

I’m thinking that in all your cultures there is probably a saying or proverb to match the one in American English that says:

“Every cloud has a silver lining.” It simply means that every difficulty has also a brighter side.

Would you be willing to write me and tell me one of those sayings that you know from a culture other than USA? You can either send them to me through the comments on this site, or e-mail them to me at annies_recipes@yahoo.com. I’d love to receive dozens of them. Thanks for helping!

mm

P.S. Want to have a look at my grandkids? They're one of the silver linings in my life right now.

Here are Paul and Kristin's two pretty little ladies (Elliana 2 1/2 years old and Jolene 10 months)

And here are David & Rhonda's three handsome little guys (Reuben 5, Levi 3 and Micah 1)

Weak...but Strong

2008-08-15T21:15:00.015-05:00

It used to take a little effort to do a lot.
Now it takes a lot of effort to do a little.

I actually don’t see much change in my strength from day to day, or week to week, but when I look back six months I can see that I am definitely weaker now.

My niece Sherri, a young home-schooling mom, has major health issues. She recently sent me a piece illustrating life with limited energy. She found it online (www.butyoudontlooksick.com) and it’s called “The Spoon Theory.“

To summarize, a young woman was trying to get her friend to understand what it felt like to live with Lupus. They were sitting in a restaurant so she gathered up all the spoons she could see from all the tables, and she told her friend to imagine that each spoon represented some of the energy she’d need for her day. When her spoons were gone, her energy was gone. She verbally ran her through a typical “Lupus” morning showing that it took most of her day’s energy just to get out the door.

This story rang a bell with me.

Before ALS I would get up early, bustle around, take a shower, get dressed, make breakfast, eat, and scope out my day—while doing a few little pick-up jobs in between. That would take about “one spoon” of energy.

Now it takes one spoon to get up…one to bathe…one to get dressed…another to do my hair and make-up…and three to do my morning exercises. So my day has hardly begun and I’ve already used up more than half my spoons.

So even though I can still do most of the things I’ve ever done, what used to be simple is now laborious. And the more energy that I use for any given activity, the longer it takes to recover. That’s just the way it is.

It’s not easy to deal with waning strength…especially if you’ve always been a strong, active, capable person like me.

Several months ago I typed up some of the scriptures that have ministered to me during this ALS experience. I’ve memorized some of them and read all of them often. But today when I read back through them the ones about strength just came “alive”—almost like I was reading them for the first time.

Simple truth: I’m weak…but God is ready and willing to be my strength!

***
“I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10b”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. II Corinthians 12:9a”

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29, 31”

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. Psalm 28:7a”

***

Once again the live, active, powerful Word of God inspired me to view my situation from HIS angle.

One day in August I picked up a recently received book about ALS. I wanted to get advice about choosing my speaking machine and see if there was some practical advice for dealing with my excess mucous. I did get answers to my questions but on all of those other pages I saw too much. Suddenly I could visualize what was ahead and it was discouraging. I felt like the road was too steep and I didn’t have the strength to climb it. So that night I told God, “This is all too much. Give me courage. I need you!”

When I woke up in the morning three phrases were spiraling through my mind:
“You’re in my hands…trust me…I love you…you’re in my hands…trust me…I love you…you’re in my hands…”

It was a powerful, intimate moment!

By the very nature of ALS I’m always losing something…either quickly or slowly…so if I always focus on my weakening state, I’ll always be miserable. Instead, I have to put my focus on my Available Strength—My Strong Tower.

And you? Do you have a situation where you feel emotionally powerless? Or physically weak? Maybe you’ve been trying to be self-sufficient, like me.

We just have to acknowledge that we need HIM…then we’re stronger already.

“For when I am weak, then I am strong. II Corinthians 12:10”

mm

P.S. Now! If you think that all of this means that you shouldn’t come visit us…think again! We LOVE having guests. We’ve had many this year and that’s what keeps us going. So you need to do your part by coming for a visit! But be forewarned…we make our guests work! Jim won’t let me do hardly anything, but he will ask you to help prepare food, do dishes, or something. Just so you know. (Smile!)

What is a Miracle?

2008-08-02T07:09:00.014-05:00

Throughout this last month, my ideas about miracles have been shaken…exploded…demolished…rebuilt…and transformed. In walking through this whole “ALS nightmare” I’ve been waiting for “my miracle.” Now I realize that I have already received several miracles...I just haven't recognized them as such.

This “musing about miracles” began when we were chatting with our son David and his wife Rhonda about my illness, when Rhonda commented, “We tend to think of miracles as being ALL or NONE—a complete healing or not. But Mom, I think it’s a miracle that your ALS is moving so slowly.”

H-m-m-m-m! I hadn’t thought about it that way.

Have I been delighted that it has been moving slowly? Yes. Have I been relieved? Yes. Have I realized it was a miracle? No, not really.

Somewhere over the next few days I finished the book I was reading and went to our shelf to choose another one. I had already decided that I was going to read C.S. Lewis’s "Chronicles of Narnia" next, but then I discovered that somewhere in our move they had been lost. Bummer! And my heart was so set on reading them. (Since then Paul loaned me his set, so they're next on my reading agenda.)

However, I can now see that God had one more book he wanted me to read first--while my mind was still chewing on this "miracle thing."

Standing there at our bookshelf, my eyes landed on "Affliction" by Edith Schaeffer and something stirred. In my young adulthood Edith had been my favorite writer—hands down. I read many of her books and they inspired me as a wife, a mother, and a creative child of God. This particular book was purchased by default…and never read. Why? Because I didn’t need its messaage. I bought it because I heard that Edith would be speaking in Brussels on my birthday (1991) and I wanted to have a book for her to sign. I went to the local (tiny!) Christian bookstore in search of one of her books that I could have her autograph. The only one they had was "Affliction." Bummer! I thought. But I bought it anyway.

I went to her session, and couldn't believe that when she entered she sat down next to me. It was amazing to be shoulder to shoulder with my favorite author…even if it was only for a few minutes at the beginning and end of the session. Afterwards I had her autograph the book and then it sat on my shelf for more than 17 years--until last week.

By the time I was into the fourth chapter, I knew I was reading the book in God’s good timing. Not only was the whole book incredibly well written and biblicly-grounded, bur it also had a very practical view of suffering. It clarified many hunches that I’ve had throughout this process and it had a very mind-stretching view of miracles.

She drew two imaginary rectangles. Rectangle A and Rectangle B. She said that both rectangles will be “museums” in heaven. We, along with other saints, will walk through both in heaven rejoicing at God’s hand…his help…his guidance…his answers.

In both rectangles were stick figures--identical ones. Each figure represented one child of God who has lived at some point in history. Her premise was that every person has a unique set of challenges. No one’s problems, joys, disappointments have ever been exactly like mine. So I am one of those stick figures, and so are you if you’re a follower of Christ--so is Moses--so is the Apostle Paul…

All of our prayers do get answered—some in the “B” way, and some in the “A” way.

In Rectangle B we get what we pray for: a healing, a job, a miraculous change of events. I’ve had some of those and so have you.

In Rectangle A we receive God’s miraculous help in dealing with our circumstances. He carries us, strengthens us, gives us perspective, enlarges our capacity, increases our patience, deepens our endurance, and helps us trust him to new levels. I’m realizing that I've also had lots of those kinds of miracles. You probably have, too.

Edith says it this way: “If His answer is to change the circumstances and give us relief, then we thank Him and worship Him who is ‘able to do all things.’ But if His answer is as it was to Paul, that the ‘thorn’ is not to be removed, but that He will give His sufficient grace to go on, a moment at a time, then we are to answer as Jesus did, ‘Thy will de done.’ Or ‘Not as I will, but as Thou wilt.’” (p. 87)

Then she asks, Which is the greater victory?

H-m-m-m! Which is the greater victory?

This question has been wrestling in my mind for days. If I were to receive a “B” miracle, it would certainly be an amazing victory. Just think: I’d be able to speak clearly, I’d be able to walk steadily. I’d be able to sing again. All of you who have seen me struggle to do those things would easily recognize my healing as a miracle.

But what about a less visible miracle? Would everybody know? Maybe not. However, I'm beginning to see it. Having peace during a time like this IS a miracle. Feeling God’s grace carrying me IS a miracle. Feeling my patience grow IS a miracle. Seeing my trust become bedrock IS a miracle. I’m living a miracle—one that hasn’t been so obvious.

Remember the card I told you I had received from author Elisabeth Elliot after she and Lars stayed overnight in our home? A few weeks ago I finally found it in my file. It was dated April 12, 1995, and it read: “Be not anxious, Maralyn, about the future. Whatever it holds, the supply of grace will be exactly measured according to your need. Peace be with you. Warmly, Elisabeth.”

That kind of grace IS a miracle! Now I see it.

You know what? If you've made a commitment to follow Christ, you’re one of those people in Rectangle A and B, too. Have you had a dramatic healing? It will be recounted by many as an exhibit in Museum B. Or, are you being carried by God’s grace through a tough situation like I am? Someday we will celebrate that as we stroll through Museum A—recounting the goodness of our God to sustain us through the hard things.

Which museum will tell of the greater miracles? H-m-m-m!

mm

P.S. Oh, and one more miracle! Even though our kids live 1016 miles apart, this week I got to hug all five of my grandkids within a 48 hour period. We got back from Pennsylvania on Tuesday night then spent all day Thursday in Wausau. Here are my "grandbabies" in order from youngest to oldest.

Jolene--Age 9 months

Micah--Age 13 months

Elliana--Age 2 years

Levi--Age 3 years

Reuben--Age 5 years

We have to learn to recognize our miracles!

Exponential Love

2008-07-12T14:29:00.032-05:00

I love math and one thing that captures my imagination is the concept of exponential growth…when something multiplies by itself again and again.

Like:
10 x 10=100
100 x 100=10,000
10,000 by 10,000=100,000,000
100,000,000 x 100,000,000=10,000,000,000,000,000!

In only four transactions 10 becomes 10 quadrillion.

When exponential growth kicks in, things can get pretty big pretty fast!

This week was filled with exponential love, and I’m beginning to understand that it’s through the love of family and friends that God gives us a sample of how much he loves us.

When we went to Springfield on July 1, I knew I was going to see my dad’s siblings and their mates, and I knew I’d see my brother Ron’s whole family, but I didn’t know there was a whole reunion in the works. I didn’t know that Dad and Kay were coming from Wyoming! I didn’t know about the bunch from Enid, nor Waxahachie, nor Neosho, nor Kansas City.

Of course, everybody else knew—even Jim—that 41 people would be coming to see us! The biggest bubble of people was on the 4th of July (U.S. Independence Day) but the flow of people started two days earlier and continued into the 6th. They just kept coming and it was SO fun!

My Aunt Ada spearheaded the whole thing as she called my parents, brothers, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and third cousins…!

At one point on the 4th my Uncle Tom took my hand and said, “How are you doing, Hon’?” I said I was doing great—and that it was fun seeing everybody. Then he said, “This whole thing is to honor you, you know.” Tears stung my eyes.

A couple of days later we were with our “Europe Family” of missionaries and once again the love overwhelmed me as they surrounded and prayed for us. I’ll never forget the faces of our regional directors, Greg and Sandie Mundis, as I shared about how awful yet wonderful this ALS process has been. As the tears rolled down their faces, I could sense their deep love for us as a couple.

That was the day that our book was unveiled—the one whose development we have facilitated this year. It’s a book of stories about God’s work through our Europe missionaries over these last ten years. The book turned out great. The editor/compiler of the stories was our friend Dean Merrill, who along with his wife Grace are some of our closest personal friends. It was fun that we could also spend the next day in Branson with them, kind of celebrating our wedding anniversaries.

The next evening we were at the Wisconsin district dinner, and once again there were those hugs, prayers, well-wishers, and concern, and we felt so loved.

At some point in the week, as I was expressing my thanks to God for all of the people who care, I had an unforgettable moment with Him:

He seemed to say,

"You know how much Jim loves you...

(I'm the luckiest girl on the planet to have a guy who loves me so much!)

...and you know how much your Aunt Ada loves you...

(We've always been SO close. Can you believe she's 80 years old? She's so beautiful inside and outside!)

...and your Uncle Paul...

(I was born on his 10th birthday and we've always had a special connection.)

...and your parents...

(My 83-year-old father says I'll always be "his girl"--and my stepmom Kay is just a really cool lady. And she loves me, too! Plus my biological mother thought I hung the moon.)

...and your brothers...

(Okay, these two brothers and my other one have always tormented--teased--and cherished me!

...and their wives...

(How many people do you know who LOVE all of their sisters-in-law?)

...and your nieces and nephews...

(Handsome...beautiful...fun...and they all love the Lord!)

...and their children...

(Cute...well-behaved...sweet...and mischevious. I love this little troup.)

...and Dean and Grace...

(True friends for 21 years!)

...and your kids and grandkids?

(I feel like the richest woman alive to have two such fine boys, and as I've told many of you, if I could have interviewed thousands of girls and chosen the two I liked most, I'd have picked these two! As for the five grandkids...don't get me started. :-)"

"Now," God seemed to be saying, " add up all of that love. No! Multiply the love of one by the other...exponentially...and see how huge it becomes. I love you MORE than that!”

I lost it…and couldn’t quit sobbing.

To make things even more intense, during the week I had been reading a novel that our former student Deirdre from Ireland had sent me. It’s called The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity, by William P. Young. If you’re doubting the goodness or love of God…read it!

Then my heart landed on this verse:
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” Ephesians 3:17b-18

I feel like my mental construction of God’s love has been renovated—made wider, longer, higher, and deeper…to accommodate His massive love.

And you know what? All of this love isn’t just for me. It’s for you, too! I urge you to let God penetrate your preconceived notions…His love for you is exponential!

mm

P.S. A cute addendum to the story is that a new baby girl was born in the early morning hours of July 4. She obviously didn't want to miss the party!

Her name is Bethany Joy McNaughton, and her daddy Judd is my nephew. I'm sure I could tell by her response to me that she loves me, too! (Smile!)

Pain's Potential

2008-07-02T08:06:00.004-05:00

For some time now I’ve been noticing that the greater the pain, the more potential it has to be productive.

Pain—Potential—Productivity

Potential is the key word. It doesn’t happen automatically. We have a choice.

I’ve seen it and you have, too. Someone is hurt by somebody, and they hang onto that pain forever. They get stuck.

I can see that God wants it otherwise. He wants us to use our pain to become better people and to help others who have similar pain.

I’ve seen it this year. Just after my ALS diagnosis I wasn’t sure if I would go “private” or “public” with my disease. It wouldn’t have been hard for me to get stuck in self pity. You know, “Why me? Poor me!” But God seemed to be nudging me toward being open with my process, and I’m glad he did because the feedback has confirmed that God is using my pain to help some of you. That’s so encouraging. And that bounces back and encourages me, too. Ping pong encouragement!

I can’t deny that my body is declining:

--My days of speaking on the telephone are almost over. People on the other end just can’t understand me anymore. In person it’s easier, because I can use facial expressions and/or hand gestures to get my point across. But I’m glad that I’ll be getting my speaking machine soon. I wonder if it will have a “phone feature.” I hope so! (Smile!)

--My walking is becoming shakier. When I’m barefoot I can see my toes gripping the floor, trying to keep me steady. I’m thankful for my trusty “shopping cart,” but I’m also thankful that my wheelchairs are now on order—one simple one for immediate use (I chose one with yellow trim!) and one fancy, electronic one for later. (That one will be “cosmic blue”!)

--My eating is becoming trickier. I have to eat slowly and remember not to converse. (That’s hard for a perpetual talker!) My speech therapist explained that the little flap that closes off the windpipe is getting lazy, so I have to be careful not to aspirate food. That means that if I remember to just take small bites, chew a lot, and not talk--I do fine.

On the other hand our blessings seem to be multiplying faster:

--We’ve had multiple houseguests and that has been terrifically energizing.

--We’ve had regular sweet times with our son David’s family and are greatly anticipating our upcoming trip to Pennsylvania to spend time with Paul’s.

--We’ve got many in our community who are blessing us by helping with a variety of tasks.

--Plus, many of you have sent us letters and gifts, and we feel like the richest people in the world!

So I rejoice in this:
“We know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him.” Romans 8:28a

Now imagine this! I had been thinking about these things, then on Friday I read the following piece in Max Lucado’s second Grace for the Moment devotional book:

***

“What do we do with disappointments?

We could do what Miss Haversham did. Remember her in Charles Dickens’s Great Expectations? Jilted by her fiancé just prior to the wedding,…she closed all the blinds in the house, stopped every clock, left the wedding cake on the table to gather cobwebs, and wore her wedding dress until it hung in yellow decay around her shrunken form. Her wounded heart consumed her life.

We can follow the same course.

Or we can follow the example of the apostle Paul. His goal was to be a missionary in Spain…however, God sent him to prison. Sitting in a Roman jail, Paul could have made the same choice as Miss Haversham, but he didn’t. Instead he said, 'As long as I’m here, I might as well write a few letters.' Hence your Bible has the Epistles to Philemon, the Philippians, the Colossians, and the Ephesians.”

***
Wow!

mm

New Look

2008-06-30T20:45:00.005-05:00

Hi,

You probably arrived at my site and thought you were in the wrong place. But no. Today I changed the background color because several people said that with the dark background and white letters it made it too hard to print out to give to friends. I'm so pleased that God is using my words to encourage others, so I want to make it easier to do that.

Just for your information, my Shingles didn't develop into a full-blown case. I had to take the "nasty pills" for one week (yuk!!) but then the Shingles went away. They were very itchy that week, but they weren't painful. Praise God!

A new blog idea has taken root in my mind, but it isn't ready to blossom yet. FYI, I never plan ahead what topics to write about, I just wait to see what grows in there...it's more fun like that. And I don't pressure myself about the time. When it's ready, it's ready. Not before.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

M

Oh Man!

2008-06-19T09:40:00.025-05:00

The expression OH MAN! has a fun history in our family.

Already at 3 years old, Reuben talked like a little adult. So when he was telling Uncle Daniel the rules for playing the children’s card game “Go Fish” he said, “…If you don’t draw the card you want, you just say, ‘Oh man!’ then it’s the other person’s turn.”

Then last week Elliana (now 2½) thought her daddy was coming home from his conference the next day. So when she popped out of bed in the morning she began searching through every room of the house. Her mommy didn’t realize what she was up to until Elli finally exclaimed, “Oh man! Where...Daddy?”

Well, yesterday about midday I said it to myself when my internist told me that I have Shingles.

Oh man!

Shingles is a viral infection that causes a painful rash. Evidently this virus lays dormant in your body for years…following childhood Chicken Pox. It resurfaces then--usually in old people. (Smile!) It appeared on my body yesterday as a circle of VERY itchy blisters on my back. Since last Thursday I’ve been having pain and phantom itchiness dancing around the left side of my abdomen—robbing a good share of each night’s sleep. I was wondering if I had a pinched nerve in my back maybe from my scoliosis? But I hadn’t.

It was Shingles.

Oh man!

I don’t know which is worse—the insane itching or the gigantic pills I’m supposed to swallow three times a day for the next seven days.

Oh man!

My dad and brothers would concur that I’ve never been good at taking pills, and Jim would agree that I’m as bad as ever! It’s a real sideshow when I’m trying to swallow pills, and these are the size of horse pills. There’s absolutely no way I would be able to get them down, so I smash them and try to gulp them down in applesauce. It's still hard, though, because the powder is SO bitter. So it’s still not a pretty sight!

Oh man!

One thing I know for sure: I didn’t need Shingles on top of ALS, TMJ, IBS, and A-Fib (Do we have all of the alphabet covered with my diseases? --Smile!)

But as I told the ladies Tuesday night, “We can’t control what lands in our plate…only how we react to it.”

Oh man!

I also saw my neurologist last Thursday and we both agreed that my strength is waning, my walking is less steady, and my talking is more slurred. But then, caring doctor that he is, he reminded me that I’m at the one year mark and that I’m doing amazingly better than most people with Bulbar ALS. Okay, that was encouraging.

Over these next few weeks I will be working with a speech therapist to choose and program my voice machine—the one that will talk for me when I can’t. And soon I’ll be going to a wheel chair clinic to choose my future transportation. I don’t need it yet, but I likely will someday.

These things are hard, especially for a person like me who is an “arranger.” As you can tell from previous posts, I’ve been grappling with my gradual loss of control. The truth about me is that throughout my lifetime I’ve been one who has liked to MAKE things happen…now I’m beginning to learn to just LET things happen.

I’ve enjoyed being a leader…but will I gracefully be able to become a follower?

I’m not sure.

A few weeks ago, my friend Ruth Collins forwarded to me a devotional written by Rick Warren. I love his writing, and this one touched a nerve. His point was that this is not my battle but God’s.

The pivotal scripture was II Chronicles 20:17 (NLT) “But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!”

Here’s part of Warren’s devotional:
“In today’s passage, God is talking to King Jehosphaphat and the Israelites. They’re about to be attacked by three enemies: the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Meunites. Jehoshaphat had to be worried about how his people could defend themselves in such a battle, but God knew exactly what Jehoshaphat was thinking. He said, ‘You will not have to fight in this battle.’ Now that’s the kind of battle I like! What God tells Jehoshaphat in this passage, and what he would remind us today, is this: ‘The battle is not yours; it’s mine. You don’t have to fight in it.’ In other words, it’s God’s problem. Let him solve it. The fact is if you are God’s child, then your problems are his problems. And he’s much better at fighting your battles and solving your problems than you will ever be. Your job is to trust him to work it all out. Perhaps the reason we have so many tired, fatigued, and discouraged Christians is because we think, ‘It all depends on me.’…”

Warren continues: “Twice in this passage it says, ‘Don’t be afraid,’ and ‘Don’t be discouraged.’ When you face a seemingly impossible situation, don’t be afraid and don’t be discouraged. Has God ever lost a battle? No. He doesn’t lose battles.”

Then he gives some advice to those of us who are trying to fight our own battles:

--Stand firm. In other words, have a mental attitude of quiet confidence. Don’t run away from the problem.

--Be confident. God wants to teach you that in every situation he is sufficient.

--Have faith in the nature and character of God. He’s faithful, and he hasn’t brought you this far to let you down.

--Dig into the Bible. You can count on the promises found in Scripture.

--Stand still. Remember who the battle belongs to. Trust that he is able to deliver you, and then watch him do it!

I’m trying to learn to let go…I really am! And sometimes I’m successful…

BUT...

The phrase in Warren's devotional that jumped out and grabbed me most was this:

“The day you resign as General Manager of the Universe, you’re going to find that it doesn’t fall apart. You can relax in faith, trusting that God is able to run things without your help.”

OH MAN!

Powerful Peace

2008-06-10T14:43:00.025-05:00

To my blog readers: Sunday we got back from Alaska, and Monday I sat down at the computer and wrote to our kids to thank them for the anniversary surprises that awaited us on our cruise ship. Below is that letter slightly modified (with photos added) for you to “listen in on.” As you can tell we had a great time celebrating our 40th.

"Hi Kids,

Well...I think it's safe to say that our trip could not have been better! What a wonderfully fun, relaxed week it was. There were many highlights including...

...arriving at our room to find that the whole room was decorated! There was a banner saying "Happy Anniversary" and there was a string of collapsible bells strung all around our room...and there were balloons. Plus there was a beautiful cake

and it also tasted delicious! Our hearts melted at the realization that our kids love us SO much!

...as the ship was pulling out of the port our phone rang and it was our friends, Jim and Jeanne Lowell, saying that they were also on the cruise--a total surprise for us!

...We had already had a lovely week with Pasi and Tuula at our home. We had had fun showing them some of the highlights of Central Wisconsin…like the cheese factory.

but our time with them on the ship couldn't have been sweeter either. We had several times of caring, loving prayer with them.

They also know Jim and Jeanne, so every evening we all dined together.

So fun!

The six of us also enjoyed playing Mexican Train dominoes.

...The food on the ship was magnificent

and it was fun being able to go to several venues. They were like restaurants where you could order whatever (and however much) you wanted. Yes, we both gained five pounds! :-)

...Then on our third day came another surprise--the gift certificate for the spa. And once again we talked about what great kids we have! :-) We ended up spending the certificate in two ways: I had my nails and toenails done (including hand and foot massages) and we both spent a morning with our four friends at the spa's "thermal suite." This lovely relaxing room (with soothing music) had a jacuzzi, a warm pool where you could just float, a steam bath, a sauna, a water massage, and chairs all across the back of the ship where you could just sit peacefully watching the sea. Oh my! It was lovely!! Thank you--thank you! My camera was on vacation that day! ;-)

...Our day trips at Ketchikan, Juneau, and Skagway were really great. At Ketchikan we saw The Great Alaskan Lumberjack Show.

They had the crowd divided into two sections and we each cheered for our guys as they chopped and sawed wood, rolled logs and shinnied up poles. Really great fun!

Then near Juneau we went out to see the Mendenhall Glacier.

These lovely Lupine flowers graced the mountainsides. We bought seeds to see if we can get them to grow in our back yard.

Later the same day we cruised past the Sawyer Glacier.

I enjoyed watching the light blue pieces of glacial ice float past our boat.

There was an 11 minute video about the glacier and I loved one comment by one of the researchers. He said, "In studying this glacier, it makes you realize how short life is. It gives you a sense of eternity." I had just been thinking the same.

In Skagway we had our BEST tour ever. At Dean's suggestion, we took the Yukon Scenic Drive instead of the Klondike Train (as hundreds of people did) and we're SO glad we did. Our guide was Pete, a mid-30's forest ranger who knew this part of the Yukon intimately. He had hiked, kayaked, photographed, fished, and climbed many of the natural wonders that we saw that day.

He also had an incredible eye for wildlife. We saw Dall Sheep, mountain goats, and bear. First we saw a beautiful, healthy male black bear;

the driver said it was the biggest he'd ever seen that close. Then five minutes later we saw a mother bear with two cubs.
We just sat in the bus, maybe ten feet from the bears, and watched them eat dandelions. It was simply delightful.

...All in all, it was the most relaxing vacation we've ever had. It was lovely being in the same bed all week--not having to pack up a suitcase to see a new place. Our suite was really spacious compared to most ship's quarters that I've ever seen, and we had our own private deck. I loved waking up each morning to new scenery.

...The ship's crew were from about 60 different nations, and they were all so service oriented. We really connected with several of them.

...The most amazing thing about the ship was how relaxed and comfortable it all felt. There were people of all ages, several young families, and many our age and older. Our line, Norwegian Cruise Lines, advertises their "freestyle" cruising. That means that there are no restrictions as to where or when to eat, nor what to wear to meals, what type of food you have, nor where to sit while eating. (That's different than most cruise lines which are usually more directive and controlled.) There were multiple ways to entertain yourself on the ship including evening shows, live music, movies, the spa, a game room, a library, and an entire fitness center. It had an amazing variety with something for everyone.

"All of those highlights, Mom, and no lowlights?" Okay, there were a couple. First, I tripped on my way into one of the nice restaurants one evening and fell headlong. The sore knee and fat lip weren't bruised nearly as much as my pride! :-) Then Friday morning, after a rough night on the sea, Jim was queasy. A couple of pills from the ship doctor, some dry toast, and a nap were the cure--and he was ready for dinner in the evening.

I almost forgot to tell you that we totally enjoyed Seattle on our way in. Mike (Jim's spiritual son) and his wife Sue met us at the airport, then took us to the hotel where we spent the night. They treated us to a lovely seafood dinner at one of Seattle’s oldest restaurants—McCormicks. It was fabulous.

The next morning the six of us went to Pike Place Market. Through one of the windows of the market, we saw the ship we would be boarding in a few hours. So exciting!

The whole week I got along amazingly well. My little “shopping cart” was really a help, since my walking is becoming a little bit tipsy. In Seattle, and several times on our side trips, when I would tire out (or the slope would be too steep) Jim would have me sit down on the cart, and he would push me. I’d have to grasp the backs of my pant legs to hold my feet off the ground.

Our laughter always inspired a smile from those we met. That little thing was a lifesaver! I don’t think it was designed to be a wheelchair (smile) but it worked for us! (Thanks to Grace for the cart recommendation—you’re right it was a BIG ship!)

All of this to say thank you for making our trip so memorable! The surprises were so well chosen, and filled with love. So now we send back that rush of love to you...our amazing kids!

Love,
Mom and Dad"

P.S. In one of those prayers for us, Pasi prayed that we would have “God’s omnipotent peace—powerful peace.” I’ve always thought of peace as being a gentle, mild thing, so this was a new picture for me. I’ve been tossing this around in my mind over these last few days, and that’s exactly what God has given us—powerful peace. It’s as magnificent as his creation.

If you're crossing over a rough spot in the road, I wish for you also His Powerful Peace!

Anniversary Trip

2008-05-29T21:01:00.002-05:00

This coming Sunday June 1 is our 40th wedding anniversary. We're celebrating by going on a cruise to Alaska. Tomorrow (Friday May 30) we will fly to Seattle with our friends Pasi and Tuula from Finland. And Saturday the four of us will board the Norwegian Cruise Lines ship. I'm sure it will be a lovely week of celebration. You can be sure that I'll post some photos when we get back.

Forever Mine

2008-05-15T18:45:00.005-05:00

Ninety-five percent of the time I’m energetic, positive, and have a “can-do” attitude in spite of my physical challenges.

But then there’s that other five percent…

And that’s where I was this morning. When I had my devotional time I asked God to show me who I could use as a sounding board…someone on whom I could dump it all…someone who could help me sort it out…someone slightly removed from the scene who could be more objective.

Ten minutes later the phone rang and it was my brother Daniel. (Yes, the same brother who helped me sift through my feelings last fall--see my October 20, 2007 entry “Shower of Tears.”)

God’s timing is remarkable, isn’t it?

As I told Daniel, I have been having a hard time trying to find a balance between…
…Accepting my illness or “giving in” to it.
…Admitting that I feel too weak to do something or pressing ahead anyway.
…Fighting to have faith for my healing or letting go of that and just letting God choose.
…Struggling through the fatigue and exercising anyway or giving my body a rest.

Today I was feeling overwhelmed with the struggle going on inside my body…probably because I DID do my workout in spite of my fatigue and I was wondering if I should have.

Lately I have felt weaker than before, in my walking (more shaky), in my talking (harder to understand), and even in my fingers (harder to turn the ignition and open a ziplock baggie).

But ironically I’m currently re-reading a book called The Healing Power of a Christian Mind: How biblical truth can keep you healthy. In this book Dr. William Backus tells how the medical community is increasingly interested in the power of the mind over the body. Several studies reveal that hopelessness leads to physical decline.

Should I fight? Or resign myself to my condition? Or both?

Dan listened and helped me process. Nothing changed after his call except my mind was clearer and I was more cognizant of the fact that God loves me so much that he arranged for a sounding board moments after I asked.

Running parallel to my dilemma these few days has been a growing awareness of how much God loves me. It started last Friday when my daughter-in-law Rhonda said that our little Levi kept stopping his play and saying, “Mummo loves me!!” My precious three-year-old grandson felt my love so much that he repeatedly told his mommy that I loved him! That warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes every time I thought of it.

Here's a picture of Levi and me together on my birthday as he gave me the heart he chose and painted just for me! (Awwww!)

What would our lives be like if we regularly reminded ourselves of how much God loves us? I pondered.

Meanwhile, I have been reading (and studying) my way through the book of Romans, and this week these verses jumped out at me: “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Rom. 5:2-4) Hope! The very thing I was some days missing…and it would be the end result of suffering? H-m-m-m!

Three days later, setting off on a delayed errand, I flipped on my favorite Christian radio station. I was stunned to hear only the very last phrase of a song…it was sung in full harmony…”YOU ARE FOREVER MINE!”

I melted!

God loves me. He cares what I’m going through. He wants to give me his perspective. He even arranges perfectly timed phone calls, scriptures, and songs on the radio to show me how much he cares. What a God!

What’s heavy on your mind?

Daniel reminded me that it is healthy to freely voice our feelings and frustrations …while still resting comfortably in the loving sovereignty of our God.

Join me…

Invincible No Longer

2008-04-27T08:30:00.019-05:00

As a kid I always liked the story of Moses as he sent his warriors out to fight the Amalekites. During the battle Moses, Aaron, and Hur were on top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites would be winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites would gain control. But eventually Moses’ hands got tired, so Aaron and Hur held them up for him, and the Israelites won. (Exodus 17:8-16)

Moses needed help…and so did I last weekend.

Flashback:
In the spring of 2007 I received an invitation to do a workshop at the April 2008 Women’s Ministries Convention in Appleton, Wisconsin. I answered an immediate yes because I love doing those workshops.

A couple of months later came my diagnosis.

What to do.

I heard the grim prognosis and wondered if I’d even be able to speak by then. The organizers of the convention also heard my news, so they contacted me and asked what I wanted to do. I didn’t know.

Then my friend Ruth (in whose home we were living while Jim was doing our remodel) had an idea. “Say yes,” she urged me. “Then if you’re having a hard time communicating when April comes, I’ll be your voice.”

Wow! What a lift.

So, I said yes.

Now fast forward. The conference was last weekend (April 18-19).

The topic for my workshop was “Bumps in the Road: Managing the tough things in life.” I went through the writings of my blog and worked to summarize the lessons God has been teaching me.

A few days before the conference I e-mailed the workshop director and asked how many to expect in my session. I needed to make handouts. She indicated that we could probably expect about 70 women, but that there were even more chairs in the room, so I might want to be safe and make handouts for 110.

Thirty minutes before the session, the flow of women began. We ran out of chairs, and handouts, and even floor space, as about 170 ladies crowded into the room.

Remember my entry called “Two Tracks”? That was my premise. Everybody always has something hard and something to be thankful for in their life. I summarized all of the writing of my blog into six bits of advice…three for managing the “left rail” and three for celebrating the “right rail.”

Tips for managing the left rail:
1) Let the hard things push you toward God.
2) Realize that your view is limited—God’s is unlimited.
3) Let yourself go through the grieving process.

Tips for celebrating the right rail:
1) Celebrate that God is trustworthy. He’s everything you need.
2) Celebrate the Body of Christ. Be thankful for those around you.
3) Celebrate that God made you special. He has a good plan for you.

I did the introduction and the conclusion, and I ran the Power Point, but “my voice” (Ruth) did the rest of the talk, and she did a phenomenal job! She read the words I had written, and I threw in my two cents every now and then. It was fun, and the ladies loved it.

Looking back, it is so obvious that I couldn’t have done it alone!

Ruth was my voice.
Carol helped me build my Power Point.
Jim helped me sell cookbooks afterwards. (We sold about 90 books!)
Mary Beth helped me replenish the cookbooks when we ran out.
And there were others, too, who helped with this or that.

It made me realize how much we as human beings need each other.

Unfortunately, when we’re happy, healthy, and energized we don’t always realize how much we need our friends. We’ve all seen little 2-year-olds say, “I can do it all by myself!” But I shudder when I think of how many times in my adulthood I have felt the same way. Projects, workshops, courses, even fancy meals…”I can do it all by myself!” I’ve thought (and even said!) dozens of times.

Now, I have neither the endurance nor strength to carry off things alone. Maybe it’s a gift, because now I realize that I’m no longer invincible. I never was, but I sure thought I was.

Needing help all the time is still a bit hard for me, but I’m beginning to see this as another of God’s lessons—one of those things I probably would have never learned without this illness.

When Linda and Leata offered to put new sheets on my guest beds this week, I thought of Moses. A year ago I would have said, “No thanks, I can do it later.” This time I accepted their help.

Twice a month Joy, Rita, Judy and/or Lois come clean our home. I need them.

Many others in our church are helping us. We need them.

I like the words of a Christian song, “No one of us has got it all together. But all of us together have got it all.”

I Corinthians 12:12-31 teaches this lesson beautifully. I've read that passage dozens of times before, but now I understand it!

Okay, who needs your help this week?

mm

P.S. This is funny: I even needed help blowing out my candles this week, because my "blower" doesn't work anymore! (smile)

Jim helped me with this one...

...and Reuben helped me with the other one.

(Copy the link below into your browser and you can see the video on YouTube.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msnCLKf_sb4&feature=email

Who Could Have Ever Imagined?--The Sequel

2008-04-09T18:25:00.022-05:00

From 1984-1986 our family lived in the Twin Cities because Jim was a student at Bethel Theological Seminary. We knew that God had called us to missions, but we hadn’t yet been appointed by our agency. My part of the arrangement was to be the breadwinner for a couple of years. Miraculously in October I got a teaching job at a lovely school in Andover, Minnesota.

Yes…October!

I taught at Crooked Lake School for two years, the exact length of time that the school needed one extra first grade teacher. It was clear that this job was a “God thing” and that He had made supernatural provision for us. The principal later told me that I had been chosen from over 200 applicants for that job.

In the spring of 1986 I said my final goodbyes to elementary school teaching, knowing that college teaching was my future. But that year would also be remembered for another reason. In that very last class was a little girl named Rochelle who had fallen in love with her teacher Mrs. Mathias.

On the last day she asked me if she could write me letters when I lived in Belgium. (By then we had been appointed and knew we’d be going to teach at Continental Bible College in Brussels.) I agreed to write to her, of course, but I assumed she would be like other children who would write one or two letters then move on to other favorite teachers.

No so!

She continued to write through the years. Through grade school. Through the awkwardness of junior high. Through finding her identity in high school. Through trying to make ends meet in college. Each time our itineration took us back to the Twin Cities, I'd call her and we would meet somewhere for a treat. I could see that she was developing into a lovely young woman, and I strongly encouraged her to wait for the right man to marry...someone who would love God wholeheartedly...a guy who would be a strong Christian example for their children.

Rochelle is now 29. She and her husband Mike came to see us last weekend. We hadn't yet met him, but boy were we pleased! He is exactly the kind of young man we had hoped she would choose.

She says that I’ve been a very important person in her life, in fact, she recently compiled all of the letters we’ve written back and forth over the 23 years. The notebook of letters is over 3 inches thick! (photos below)

Who could have ever imagined? I couldn’t have. But as the “random” class lists were made for the “new teacher” at Crooked Lake School in the fall of 1985, I know God made sure Rochelle was in my class. He is so amazing!

My current situation? We continue to marvel at how my condition seems to have stabilized. My speech is slurred (more in the evening) and my walking is awkward (more when I’m tired) but other than that, I’m feeling quite normal—whatever normal is--I’ve almost forgotten. ☺

I just know that God is good and that he is taking very good care of us...arranging things for our good and his glory!

I love this scripture: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a purpose." Jeremiah 29:11

---

Rochelle took me back to the two letters that she read and re-read as she formed the ideals for her life.

Sweet girl...!

...and she married a great guy.

Here's the back of the book of letters...THEN and NOW photos

Rochelle is one of our girls!

mm

Resurrection Peace

2008-03-28T10:35:00.010-05:00

It was just ten days after I got out of the hospital (March 13) that we were supposed to go to Bill and Nancy’s for dinner, (remember Nancy my physical therapist?) when all of a sudden my heart flip-flopped into Atrial Fibrillation again. I couldn’t have been more distraught.

“I thought the new medication would keep the A-Fib from happening,” I cried to Jim. “I don’t need this on top of everything else.”

So Jim held me and comforted me, then we had a long talk. And in his loving, fatherly way, he said, “Honey, I wouldn’t have chosen this either, but we can’t change it. It just is. Taking the beta blocker doesn’t mean you won’t have A-Fib, the blood thinner just keeps you from getting clots afterwards.”

“But I’m sick of this. I thought the meds would take away the episodes.”

“Babe, just relax and accept it. Fear isn’t necessary…”

Over the next seven days I had five bouts of A-Fib, so I made an appointment with the cardiologist to see if the medication needed to be adjusted.

But looking back I can see that God arranged this month to be the perfect learning environment for the next thing he wanted to teach me. The fact that Easter was laced through there was not coincidental!

Through the next few days God invited me to walk through the garden of my heart and look at all of the weeds of fear that were growing there. Suppressed fears. Buried worries. Anyone who has any melancholy like me knows that there are lots of “what-if’s” that can dance through the brain. What if I have a stroke on top of the ALS…? What if I get to the point where I can’t even move, or talk, or write…?

Every time my heart would go out of rhythm, the challenge was there again. Uproot the weeds of fear! Jim’s words would echo: “Fear isn’t necessary. God IS trustworthy. Fear changes nothing, in fact it probably complicates things.”

It was deep, hard work pulling out those weeds. Some of them had really deep roots. Could I really get them uprooted? Throw them out of the garden so they would not re-root?

Then it happened. An episode of A-Fib started at 2:30 A.M. Always before I would get up and wait it out…usually 3-5 hours. I couldn’t stand to lie in bed and listen to my heart trying to jump out of my chest. I would always busy myself with something as a distraction. But that night I resisted the urge to get up. The scriptures that I had been memorizing began to peacefully play through my brain.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” Isa. 26:3

“In quietness and trust is your strength.” Isa. 30:15

Next thing I knew it was an hour later. I had fallen asleep! Never before had I slept while in A-Fib. I roused briefly at 4:30 and then 5:30…only to find my heart still shaking. Occasionally Jim would say, “Is it still doing it?” “Yes, but it’s okay. I don’t feel afraid.” Then he would hug me and we would both fall back asleep. A-w-w-w, I thought, this is one of the benefits of weeding my garden. Sleep! Sweet peaceful sleep. When I awakened at 6:30 my heart was peacefully beating in rhythm, acting like nothing had ever happened, and I knew I had grown to a new level of acceptance and trust.

Easter dawned about the time my brain dawned.

If Jesus conquered death, why am I afraid of it?

Because he came back to life, so will I!

I will die, and so will you, but death is a doorway to something better.

The timing of my death will be exactly as God has planned it.

No amount of worrying is going to change that. I can rest easily.

It’s all in God’s hands. And those are good hands.

I read the account of the resurrection in all four gospels, and what jumped out were phrases like “Peace be with you” and “Don’t be afraid.” H-m-m-m! God is an amazing teacher. Staging the learning environment…planning the lessons…and giving opportunity to practice.

The day after Easter I went to see the cardiologist, and he explained to me that the nature of Atrial Fibrillation is to become more frequent and intense over time, but that with my daily beta blocker the rapid, irregular heartbeat should stay within safe boundaries. The blood thinner is to keep clots from forming. “Don’t worry. Some people have Atrial Fibrillation 24 hours a day. It’s something you can live with.” Then he did something remarkable. Remembering that I was a Christian, he explained that he was an Eastern Orthodox believer. “I have a very stressful job. I couldn’t make it without the Lord. Every day I put holy oil on my forehead to remind me of God’s presence and help.” He then touched his own forehead and then reached his finger to touch mine, making a tiny cross with the oil. “Peace be with you.” Tears stung my eyes. It was the very lesson God had been teaching me all month.

Three days later I saw my neurologist, and that was also sweet. He checked my strength, examined me, asked questions, watched me walk, and concluded, “I don’t see very much change at all. The ALS is still there, but it doesn’t seem to be moving very quickly. Whatever you’re doing, just keep doing it.” Nancy had sent him my physical therapy reports, he knew about the hospitalization, he saw the drop in my cholesterol, and he knew of our healthy diet and my regular workouts. He congratulated me and told me to keep up the good work. Sweetness!

What a powerful month-long lesson this has been. So hard…but so good. I now know on a deeper lever that I don’t have to worry about anything. I can be in total peace. Why? Because Jesus conquered death.

Peace be with YOU—resurrection peace!

mm

P.S. On Easter eve our daughter-in-law Rhonda asked if she could take some photos of us in her basement amateur studio. It was a really fun ten minutes. Here are some of the results.

Next Appointment

2008-03-20T02:29:00.002-05:00

Hi! Several of you have asked when my next doctor's appointment is. I have two appointments next week. I'll see the cardiologist on Monday (24th) and the neurologist on Thursday (27th). I'll be writing another blog at the end of March to let you know what they said.

Meanwhile, Happy Resurrection Day--Let the miracle of it sink into your soul!

mm

Dark Room--Dancing Fire

2008-03-04T11:28:00.008-06:00

Last night Jim and I just savored the moment. The only light on in the house was the flickering fire, and as we sat there on the couch in front of our Finnish fireplace we talked about our difficult week, but mostly we rejoiced in the bright sparks along the way.

First a flashback to the darkness…then the light.

Last Tuesday morning when I wrote my blog, I couldn’t have imagined how hard the coming week was going to be. It started that night when my acid reflux came back with a vengeance. I thought my dietary changes had made it unnecessary to take my daily Prilosec, but I was wrong. The stomach acid fried my vocal cords and Wednesday I could barely speak. Wednesday night I was able to fulfill my commitment to visit a ladies’ Bible study in my new neighborhood, and talk about going through trials and tribulations; they are studying in the book of James. I loved meeting those ladies and it was fun finding connections to the students Jim and I had taught in this community 1969-1984. My voice could barely croak, but anyway they seemed to want to hear what I had to say.

Thursday my voice was still scratchy. Friday it began to come back. Saturday I was supposed to participate in a ladies day at our church, presenting part of a workshop on hospitality. I had scripted my part of the talk just in case my voice wouldn’t cooperate and Leata would need to read it for me.

Saturday morning, just before I was ready to leave for church, my heartbeat became irregular. That’s not so unusual because since the fall of 2005, when my Atrial Fibrillation was first diagnosed, I have had some revisitations of the irregular beat. However, they’ve always been easily correctable with a pill called a beta blocker, so I wasn’t worried. I had the pills in my purse and had determined to take one when I got to the church. However, just down the street I felt dizzy and funny, so I turned around and went back home and lay down. I hated calling Leata to say that she was going to have to present the whole workshop alone.

I tried to rest, but when my breathing became labored, Jim suggested that we go to the Emergency Room. Once there, I was attached to an IV, and all kinds of beepers and monitors. Within a few minutes, the decision was made to admit me to the hospital, where I remained for the next two days. My heartbeat did regulate after six hours, but it went out of rhythm again for about 45 minutes the next morning. The attending physician recommended that I talk to the cardiologist on Monday morning before going home. The doctor was a visiting physician coming from Marshfield Clinic, where my neurologist is. After examining my records and asking me some questions, he prescribed a daily beta blocker, a different one that I had been taking for my occasional episodes, and a blood thinner to reduce the risk of strokes that can accompany Atrial Fibrillation.

Monday afternoon Jim brought me back, and home never looked so good!

Throughout the week I had several times of frustration and despair. “Why me? Why this, too? God, I didn’t need THIS and THIS on top of THAT!” I complained.

I don’t know whether I was more like King David in one of his lament Psalms, or Elijah under the broom tree (I Kings 19), or Job when he complained to God about his multiple trials.

In the hospital I did read through the whole book of Job! I thought I was going to have a lot in common with him, but I found out that by comparison, I have NO problems at all. For instance, Jim hasn’t been behaving at all like Job’s wife who said, “Just curse God and die!” But Jim’s supportive love has been only one of many bright spots throughout the week, and last night as we basked in the warmth of the fire, we also reveled in the ways God showed his goodness throughout the week.

In brief:

--On the way to the ER, as I was struggling to breathe, I prayed that our friend Chuck Conger would be the physician on duty that day…and as we wheeled around the corner into the room, there he was! (Thank you, God! I thought.)

--Then once I was admitted, I found out that one of my nurses in the critical care unit was Erica who had been a grade school classmate of our son, Paul. She remembered coming to our house for a birthday party. I smiled when she reminded me that the theme of the party was “The Purple Cow”—a take-off on the well-known children’s poem by the same name. I hadn’t seen her since she was eight years old.

--It was somehow comforting to be back in the hospital where I had given birth to our two sons (1972 & 1973), and I was amazed and delighted at the quality of care I received. Wow!

--In the process of the multiple tests, injections, and exams that I had over the two days, we found out that my lungs were clear, my heart muscle was healthy, and that my cholesterol had dropped 96 points in only two months (from 294 to 198!) The Triglycerides, HDL and LDL were all within the normal range. That hasn’t been true for a long time! (I’m in a family where almost nobody’s cholesterol is normal!) The healthy diet, the vitamin supplement, the exercise, the flaxseed, the oatmeal, it probably all played a role, but it was neat how God arranged for us to find out early—long before a normal check-up would have revealed it. It was so encouraging to know that the regimen is working!

--The cardiologist was open and friendly, and we found out later he is highly respected in his field. What amazed us is how openly he declared that our lives are in the hands of God and that he can be trusted. Wow! He also told us that in his opinion, my neurologist is the best in the state of Wisconsin. When he left the room, we looked at each other and said, “That was a God thing!”

--When he left, I was soon released to go home. Finally, the hospital drama was over and I was unhooked from the IV, the heart monitors, the hospital bed, and most happily the salt-free food that was dictated for every patient in critical care. Yuk!

--We stopped by the pharmacy to pick up my new prescriptions and while Jim was inside, I dialed in one of our local Christian radio stations. In God’s perfect timing, there was Beth Moore telling me that God has my best at heart…now and always.

--After we pulled into our driveway, Jim got the mail from our box and there was a little package from my friend Karen who is wintering in Florida. She sent me Scott Abbott’s CD “Palm of Your Hand.” Wow, what a song!

--Then, I went to my own bed and enjoyed a nice long nap not connected to a thousand wires. Sweetness. (I think you have to be without something before you can really appreciate it!)

--When I awoke, Jim said that Dean and Leata had called and they were coming with supper. We would all eat together. Don’t you love the body of Christ? Sitting by the fire after they went home we talked about the blessing of our 27-year friendship with them.

--In the evening, I pulled out my book Diamonds in the Dust, by Joni Eareckson Tada. The reading for March 3 couldn’t have been more perfect. Joni described the Maryland farm where she was raised, saying that the path from the county road to their front door was a straight one, but that when the rain had made it muddy, it was anything but easy. She quoted Proverbs 3:5-6 then in the prayer at the end wrote, “…I acknowledge today that I am not promised an easy path, just a straight one if I trust entirely in You. Lord with every pothole, rut, or barrier I may come across, help me to remember to lean on You.” My heart resonated with her words. By the way, I want to say a big thank you to my dear friend Grace for sending me Joni’s book. Your physical challenges and mine cause us both to identify with much of Joni’s perspective on life. You were right. I love this daily devotional!

--And this is sweet! When I got home I found a bouquet of fresh flowers on the table from the ladies at the Bible study I had visited last Wednesday. Thank you to Kathy, Brook, Tanya, Jen, Tracy, Wendy, NorAnne, Michelle, and Kristen. Your gift was God’s exclamation mark that he is my light in the darkness. Last week at this time I hadn’t even met most of you, but now I can’t wait to someday host you in my home.

So! That’s my story. It was a tough week, but there were beams of God’s light everywhere.

“Lord, please help me to remember to focus on the light…not the darkness.”

mm

Who Could Have Ever Imagined?

2008-02-26T22:15:00.003-06:00

I never intended to write a cookbook. I was only going to type up my boys’ favorite recipes when they left for college. The first “edition” was just a spiral-bound set of photocopies, but the boys kept calling home saying that another of their friends wanted a copy, so I just kept making more sets.

When I turned 50 I decided to make a fancier version of the book for some of my friends to thank them for their friendship over the years. That book was called Annie’s Best, and my friend Jeanne, a talented graphic artist, volunteered to design a cute cover and divider pages. The week of my birthday I was speaking on hospitality at a convention, so I had 600 copies of the book printed, and they had all sold in 10 weeks!

Five years later, by popular demand, I decided to publish a revised and expanded edition called Around the World with Annie. By then I had collected 200 new recipes, and I had also lived and taught in Europe for 16 years and had collected lots of delicious recipes from my international students. I had also written several stories about our international food experiences—funny stories—and these became the section dividers of my new book.

With 554 recipes and 10 fun stories, this book has been immensely popular. I’ve had many people tell me that it’s their favorite cookbook ever! They tell me they like it because every recipe is tried and tested. They also say that they love reading the small things I’ve written about the recipes…where I got them…how I use them.

Who could have ever imagined?

Last June when my ALS diagnosis invaded our lives, I decided to do a blog so I wouldn’t have to answer so many e-mails. I knew there would be people who would want to know what was going on, but they wouldn’t want to “bother” us. So, I began my blog. A side benefit has been that the blog is helping me synthesize the things that are happening in my mind. It has been therapeutical to write these 31 entries. But now you're telling me that it's helping you, too! Amazing!

Believe it or not, this blog site has about 1800 hits a month, averaging about 50 a day. You, my readers, are from 33 countries, and there are new readers almost every day. Many of you I’ve never met, but God is using this whole situation for the benefit of many.

Who could have ever imagined?

This week I passed the eight-month marker since my diagnosis. That day when the doctor said that I probably had 12-18 months to live, I thought ahead to spring, wondering what condition I’d be in by then.

Would I still be able to walk?
Would I still be able to talk?

Well...last weekend we celebrated our oldest grandchild Reuben’s fifth birthday, and I could not only walk and talk, but I could also cruise on the tube with our son David, and two of his little guys—the birthday boy (on my lap) and his 3 year old brother, Levi.

Who could have ever imagined?

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!” (Ephesians 3:20-21)

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P.S. If you’d like to contact me for any reason, just post a comment on my blog and give me your e-mail address, then I’ll write to you. It you’re someone I’ve never met, it would be fun to hear how you learned about my site. Yes, I do have extra cookbooks. If you're interested you can order one by writing to this address: annies_recipes@yahoo.com.

Unselfish Love

2008-02-13T20:34:00.001-06:00

In a few hours it will be Valentine’s Day so everyone’s thinking about LOVE, but I want to show you a less talked about side of love.

A few years ago our friends, Don and Evie, gave us a book called A Promise Kept: The Story of an Unforgettable Love, by Robertson McQuilkin. It was a sad, but heartwarming, love story. Robertson’s wife Muriel was 55 when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. At first he was able to continue in his job as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary, but eventually he resigned so he could stay home and care for her, and he did just that for many years.

The book chronicled his feelings throughout the process. When we read it, what struck me was his depth of love for his wife, even though she no longer knew him. This was an unforgettable book. Its chapter titles were “In Sickness and in Health,” “To Love and to Cherish,” “For Better, For Worse,” “From This Day Forward,” “For Richer, For Poorer,” and “Till Death Do Us Part.”

I urge you to find and read that book!

Little did we realize that a few years later our love was going to have the opportunity to move to a new level. Last year at this time we were leading a couples fellowship for four young couples. Together we had dinner out, and later Jim told the young men, “Guys, love your wives like Christ loves the church.” Then he did a short teaching about what that really meant.

“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself“ Ephesians 5:25-28.

And now, exactly one year later, Jim is doing just that.

With my diagnosis, and slight awkwardness, he has been doing all of his normal “manly jobs,” but also many of my "womanly" jobs—dishes, picking up, laundry, and carrying things from room to room. Until a couple of weeks ago, he was also doing most of the cleaning. Just recently I asked some ladies in the church to help clean so Jim wouldn’t have to do it all.

Everyday, he makes certain that I take my nap, and that I take both doses of my Pana C-315 (a multivitamin, mineral & superfood supplement). He also cheers me on as I faithfully do my exercises.

I feel so loved! Jim does a perfect job of protecting me without smothering me. For instance, he knows I love to cook, so he lets me do that without interference. He also knows I love to do errands, so he releases me every week, even though he knows I’ll be exhausted when I get home. He knows I need that bit of independence.

Because of my clumsiness, there’s always a little messy trail wherever I’ve been, but he never complains. He just quietly picks up the pieces.

His love has lifted me many times throughout these months as he continues to adore me. As he curls around me at night, when we’re ready to go to sleep, he always tenderly asks God to heal me. And at least ten times throughout the day, he looks at me and says, “How are you doing?” Later in the day he will hug me and say, “Get well, okay?” I laugh and say, “I AM!”

To the young men in my audience, I challenge you to follow Jim’s lead…or more accurately Christ’s lead…and give up your own comforts to cherish your wife the way she needs. It sounds hard, especially in an individualistic world, but once you reach the tipping point, it’s easy. Her response will probably be one of respect and love as she sees you sacrificing yourself for her.

Jim turned 64 today, and tonight he’s teaching a “Life of Christ” class at our church, like he does every Wednesday night. He has no idea I’m writing this blog. He’ll probably be slightly embarrassed, but I think his story needs to be told, because doing things God’s way just works!

So tomorrow, guys, give her some of the trappings of love…chocolates, flowers, dinner at a nice restaurant, or whatever, but make sure that you also give her what she really wants--REAL love. Unselfish love.

Contentment 101

2008-02-10T07:26:00.000-06:00

If you had me as a teacher in the last five years you probably remember getting a mini-course in Contentment 101. It came in the form of a devotional. I told you, “Be where you are. Don’t miss the moment. While you’re here studying, don’t wish it away, even when it gets hard. Maximize whatever this situation brings. Make new friends. Study hard. Take time to exercise. Stay balanced. Be here!”

It’s human nature, I suppose, to live either in yesterday or tomorrow, but when we do that we miss today.

Look back. What memories do you savor most? I have lovely memories of being on a “cooking chair” next to my grandma. She taught me to prepare food with love and care. I wish she were still alive. I’d love to be able to share my adult life with her. But see? There’s joy and regret tied up in that one.

As humans it’s easy to plague ourselves with both the “Oh, if only’s…” AND the “Oh, those were the great days” feelings. So, both negative and positive things can keep us locked in the past.

But we also do it for future events.

Remember when you were in the last months of your final year in high school? If you were like me, you were excited about going to university. I thought, “I can’t wait to get to Evangel College. It’s going to be so cool. I’ll bet I’ll meet all kinds of neat people…maybe even my future husband.” (And I did! Forty years ago today we got engaged! ☺).

Or more often we fret about the future. We worry, “I’m afraid that I won’t be able to handle that when it comes.” Or “What if this…or that…?” And we lay awake at night stewing.

All of this robs the moment.

At this juncture of my life, my question to myself is this: Can I live up to the challenge I’ve launched toward my students?
H-m-m-m!

The Bible is clear that being content with my circumstances is the best way to live. These verses have been jumping out of my Bible lately:

“Godliness with contentment is great gain…” I Timothy 6:6

“Be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.’” Hebrews 13:5b-6

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-12

---

Still in my mind, too, is a conversation I had with my neurologist several months ago. I was still in the shock stage after the diagnosis and he was patiently answering my questions and concerns. In his quiet, warm way he said, “I know we can’t choose how we die, but if I could choose, I think I might choose ALS.”

“What? (I was shocked!) Why?”

Over the next few minutes he calmly helped me see that my disease is relatively pain free. There are no treatments. There are months (sometimes more than a year) of preparation time, not days or weeks. The mind stays totally sharp. Even the death itself is not a desperate thing, but peaceful. “So,” he restated, “If I could choose I might choose ALS as my way to go.” Then he got a twinkle in his eye, “My friend said he’d like to just drop over dead of a heart attack, but not me! I’m a bit of a control freak, I guess, but I’d like knowing ahead of time about when I am going to go, so I have the time to put everything in order, say goodbye, and finish things.” Then he told me that he also has a “deep faith.” Ah-ha! I thought so! There was a peace about him that made me wonder if he was a believer.

Looking back I can see that he was telling me, “Want what you have. Be content. Don’t worry. Yes, I know this is tough, but don’t miss the moment.”

I’ll be very honest with you. My biggest temptation right now is to long to be able to speak clearly. “Oh, if only…” I yearn.

But I’ve been trying to remember to thank God for what I do have--my fingers, for example, because I can still type 90 words per minute. At least I can be articulate on paper. My fingers can fly over the keyboard almost as fast as my brain can generate new thoughts.

Also, it seems that my disease is progressing very slowly, if at all, and that’s clearly a miracle!

And I’m sitting around feeling sad I am that I can’t TALK clearly?! “Wake up, girl, and thank God for what you do have!” I remind myself.

How about you? Have you thanked God today for your fingers? Or have you thanked him that you can speak clearly? Or that you can walk at a normal gait? Or are you like me…fretting about what you don’t have…worrying about what’s around the corner?

Let’s remind each other to be content whatever our circumstances,
NOT LETTING YESTERDAY...NOR TOMORROW...STEAL OUR TODAYS.

God's Perfect Timing

2008-01-30T13:14:00.000-06:00

When I led her Bible study group in a Youth For Christ club in 1973, Nancy was a teenager and I was a young mother. In GOD’S PERFECT TIMING, he has brought her back into my life. Now she’s my physical therapist.

When I began my therapy on December 31, I scored 49/56 on the Berg Balance Test. Today she retested me and I scored 55/56!! She said that after only one month it was “remarkable” progress! She couldn’t wait to send the results to my neurologist.

We had to laugh because now that we're both grandmothers, it seems that our ages are getting closer and closer.

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Another example…

A couple of weeks ago, I had just sat down to have my morning devotions. Progressing to the next chapter, which was on God’s holiness, I had just read Isaiah 6:3 “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

…and my phone rang. Normally I would have ignored the phone and called back later, but this time I trekked to my phone to see who it was. It looked like it was my daughter-in-law, Kristin, in Pennsylvania. So, I answered. It was actually my son Paul, and he explained that he and Kristin were in their chapel service at Valley Forge Christian College, where they work. They had just listened to a devotional about healing. “Dr. Meyer is here with us and he’d like to pray for you on the phone.” My eyes stung with tears. I kept thinking, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty…” When he finished praying, I could barely respond because I was so choked up. A few minutes later I wrote them an e-mail explaining the amazing timing of their call.

But I didn’t know the half of it. Dr. Meyer wrote back saying that just after the devotional, he had gone to Paul and Kristin and the three of them had prayed for me, then they all went to pray with students. It occurred to Dr. Meyer (he and Evie are close personal friends of ours) that he would like to call me and pray over the phone, but he didn’t have my cell phone number with him, so he searched out Paul and Kristin again, but they were each praying with others. So he waited. Finally, all three were available so they called me on Kristin’s phone.

And they called precisely after I read the phrase, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” Was it a coincidence? No, I believe God was showing me that he is almighty, and that HIS TIMING IS PERFECT...even in relation to my illness.

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And another one…

Six years ago God laid on the heart my friend Theda Bennett to pray for my physical healing. Several times she reminded God that I was healthy and strong, but He insisted that she pray. And she did. For five and a half years she obediently prayed. Then came my ALS diagnosis, and she realized why she had been praying all along.

We shook our heads in wonder, but we shouldn’t have been amazed. I believe God wanted us to see that he is a holy, but loving God; so he “wowed” us once again with HIS PERFECT TIMING!

*****************************************************************

As human beings, we are bound by the calendar and the clock…but God is not. Why wouldn’t we trust the One who has a perfect view of past, present and future all at once?

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Consistent?...Me?

2008-01-24T21:13:00.001-06:00

Throughout my adult life I’ve been “consistently inconsistent” in eating right and exercising. I've always started strong, then weakened and eventually faded away, kind of like my friend Carmen who said, “I exercise consistently---sometimes!” ☺

But this time I’m motivated. Really motivated.

Remember my December 13 appointment when the doctor said my body hadn’t changed in three months? (See entry “The Bark of Life.”) That same day I told him that my torso felt weak, and he said that wasn’t necessarily part of ALS. So, he wrote me a prescription to begin physical therapy.

My first appointment with Nancy was December 31. She tested my range of motion for my hamstrings, my balance, the flexibility of my heel cord, my core strength, and lots of other things. She gave me a set of exercises to do twice daily, and then she set up several appointments with her colleague, because the next day she was going on vacation. I didn’t know it, but she also set goals for me to reach while she was gone.

Yesterday I saw her again for the first time since her trip, and she was amazed. My body is rallying. I had made BIG improvements in all of those things.

The first day I could balance exactly one second on my right foot and zero seconds on my left foot. She hoped that after three weeks I’d be able to balance for five seconds on each foot. Yesterday I did it for 36 seconds on the right foot and 23 seconds on the left! Plus the hamstrings and heel cords and core strength were all much improved. There's another "post test" she will give me this coming Wednesday and I'll let you know how that goes.

Anyway, I walked away from the appointment “wowed”—smiling from ear to ear!

My God, who is the same “yesterday and today and forever” (Heb. 13:8), has been gracious once again to Miss Consistently Inconsistent Me.

But now? Consistent? You bet! I wouldn’t miss my exercise time. I exercise about 60 minutes in the morning and 45 minutes in the evening, and I’m eating so healthily it’s…disgusting. ☺

Thank you for praying for me. I’m feeling very good. God is definitely at work in my body.

mm

P.S. I still talk funny and walk funny, but hey! If this disease has stopped here…I can LIVE like this. ☺

Waves of Grace

2008-01-12T06:46:00.000-06:00

There’s a question that has been running through my mind for almost seven months. This surge of God’s grace that I have been feeling during this time—has that much grace been available my whole life and I just missed it? Or is it a special dispensation just for this hard time?

If you heard me speak at Valley Forge Christian College (October) or the Thanksgiving service at our home church (November) I told you that I was pondering this question. Well, in God’s grace, December’s topic in my Bible study was “Grace: God’s Provision for Every Need.”

My ears were open.

As I searched each scripture, I asked God to teach me.

As the writers of “Seeking Him” (Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom) so aptly pointed out, God’s grace is totally available to us, whether we need forgiveness of sin, or assistance with Christian maturity, or support when we are suffering.

Yes, I knew that. But why the surge now like never before? Was it God’s initiative or mine that caused this wave of grace?

I missed it the first time through the Bible study, and there were still question marks, so I went through the entire chapter again, examining every scripture, digesting every illustration, praying for God to show me. I had to know.

And then there it was…Eureka! How could I have missed it the first time through?

The necessary ingredient on my part was HUMILITY.

Scripture is clear. When I humble myself, and admit that I need God, his grace is there. Instantly. When I finally recognize how much I need him, he's very ready to send a flood of grace. Wow! So it's my initiative AND his!

***

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this [Paul’s thorn in the flesh], that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” II Corinthians 12:8-9

““Humble yourself, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” I Peter 5:6-7

***

The writers of the study said it this way [referring to I Peter 5:6-7 above], “When we are humble, do you see where God places His hands? Above us to cover us and beneath us to carry us. Sometimes our humility comes via repentance from sin, and sometimes it comes through the pain of suffering. In either case, humility hails the presence of God, and He cups us in His hands. What better place to be?” p. 96.

Humility has been the necessary ingredient all along, but I have usually been too self-sufficient to REALLY need God. Before this disease, I could always plan, organize, orchestrate things and make them happen…pretty much on my own.

Then came the ALS diagnosis. Suddenly I was up against something over which I had no control. It drained me of self-sufficiency!

Now, after almost seven months of battling this disease, I’m amazed at how much more open I am to help…from God and from people. Physically, I’m getting along well, according to the doctor’s assessment, but I still have difficulty talking and walking. It’s been kind of naturally humbling--sometimes humiliating.

The amazing thing is that I don’t think I would have learned this pivotal lesson if I had been healthy and whole. I had to be really needy to see it.

And now I want to say something to my precious women friends at Espoo International Christian Fellowship in Finland, who are doing the same Bible study. Let’s not miss this life-changing lesson. Don't wait until you're sick to figure it out:

WHEN WE HUMBLE OURSELVES BEFORE GOD, HE'S VERY READY TO UNLEASH BIG WAVES OF GRACE!

Recalibration

2008-01-01T06:12:00.000-06:00

Every New Year I “recalibrate.”

Do you like my new word? I had heard the word many times, but it had never gotten into my vocabulary until a few weeks ago when we were with our friend Ed Schmidgall. He had driven across the city to treat us to breakfast near O’Hare airport. In our conversation he said that in his lifetime he had been "fortunate" enough to have to recalibrate nine times. “Each time I’ve lost someone close to me, it has made me recalibrate and evaluate what’s important on this earth.”

I’ve been thinking about that ever since, because that’s what’s been happening to me.

Perhaps recalibration is kind of a “guy word” because it’s necessary for guns, laser levels, and computer thermal sensors. So for my girlfriends I’ll explain. Recalibration is the resetting of everything. Realigning. Fine-tuning. Dialing back. Adapting. Adjusting. Putting right.

I guess recalibration happens naturally when the doctor tells you that you have a terminal illness. It’s like suddenly you know what’s important and what isn’t. I, like Ed, feel blessed to have been through this recalibration process.

Now with the normal New Year re-evaluation upon me, I find I’m thinking differently than before. As I make my plans for the year ahead I feel embarrassed when I think of how “ME-centered” my resolutions have sometimes been in the past.

If you’ve been a regular reader of my blogs over this six month period, you know that God has been challenging me to rethink my thinking. He’s giving me glimpses of what matters for eternity and what doesn’t. It’s been a time of major recalibration.

This may sound strange, but my New Year’s wish for you is that you will be faced with a situation that will make you recalibrate. Maybe you, like Ed, have already had to do this many times. If so, you know exactly what I’m saying.

So if it happens to you during 2008, don’t run from it. Seize the opportunity!

Yesterday I went to the physical therapist and she gave me exercises to strengthen the muscles in my torso. Hopefully, that will help my walking become stronger. Next Monday I’ll meet with a doctor who I’m hoping will be able to help me manage the mucous that is limiting my speech. Other than these two things many days I feel quite normal.

And what about my neurologist’s evaluation two weeks ago that indicated "no change” in my ALS for three months? Well…it allowed me to...........RECALIBRATE! ☺

Christmas Joy

2007-12-26T20:09:00.001-06:00

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Ps. 126:3

Our prayer is that you will feel HIS JOY throughout the coming year--regardless of your circumstances! Thank you for praying for us. God is at work.

mm

The Bark of Life

2007-12-13T17:39:00.000-06:00

Legend has it that during the 12th century an Italian traveler went to the French town of Chartres to see the great church that was being built. It was near the end of the day, so as he arrived the workmen were leaving for home. He saw one man covered with dust and asked, “What do you do here?” The man replied that he was a stonemason. He spent his days carving rocks. Another said that he was a glassblower who spent his days making slabs of colored glass. Another answered that his job was blacksmithing. He pounded iron for a living.

Wandering through the building site, much deeper inside the giant edifice, the man met a cleaning lady sweeping up wood chips, stone dust, and glass shards. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Me? I’m building a cathedral for the Glory of Almighty God.”

The others only saw what was in front of them, but she saw the bigger picture.

How wide is my view? The further I travel on this earth, the more I realize that I can only see one miniscule piece of the picture. I’m like the blacksmith who can only see the spot where the hammer meets the glowing iron.

Here’s the point: Our view of life is severely limited. God’s is unlimited.

If I look at my illness through earthly eyes, it doesn’t make any sense, so I don’t ask the “why” question any longer. The better one is, “Can I trust that there really is more than I can see with these eyes?” I’ve heard from several of you that you are angry with God and asking, “Why Maralyn?” That is a very natural response…if you’re thinking in a humanly way.

But God knows more.

Next time you empty a roll of paper towels, just look through the tube and see how much of the earth you can see. I did it this morning, looking toward our back yard, and saw only a quarter-sized piece of tree bark. Yes, that's about how big my viewpoint is compared to God's. I'm an earthling and I base everything on earth stuff.

For six months every time I’ve been out in public—in a grocery store, in an airport, on the highway-- I have found myself thinking about the people I meet. “I wonder if they realize how short time is on this temporary earth. I wonder if they have it figured out that 99% of the stuff they spend their time on doesn’t really matter. I wonder if they know that life is more than how big their house is, where they’re going on their next vacation, or if the towels in the bathroom are a perfect match.

I went to the doctor today for a routine check-up. I was ready to hear that there had been some deterioration. That would be normal with ALS, right? I was mentally ready for it. But, guess what? The doctor said that my body doesn’t seem to have changed in the last three months. Isn’t that exciting? My lungs still have normal function. My speech hasn’t changed since he saw me last. The function of my muscles is the same as last time he checked me. He said, “What we have here seems like a slow case of ALS.” I say, “Praise God!!!”

I really don't know what's happening. Has this disease stopped advancing? Is it just moving slowly? Or what? But no matter how all of this turns out, I'm glad I'm friends with a God who has a bigger view than I do because I'm figuring out that LIFE IS MORE THAN THE TINY SPOT OF TREE BARK THAT I CAN SEE!! I'm glad I know the One who has a bigger scope of things.

Soul Food

2007-11-30T07:04:00.001-06:00

I’ve made a delicious discovery! Whatever I feed my soul just before I go to sleep is what it chews on all night long.

For instance, if I’m concerned about how to accomplish all I need to the next day, I end up planning the whole thing during my sleep. I used this technique when I was writing my thesis over ten years ago. If I had an unresolved piece of research, I could reread all sides of the issue just before going to sleep, and by morning I would have resolution.

Fast forward to now.

If I go to bed with a tiny worry about this spasm, or that feeling of frustration at not being able to get my tongue to be more articulate, the thing grows to monstrous proportions and I wake up in despair.

But…

If I go to bed meditating on God’s Word and His goodness, I wake up optimistic and victorious with a song of praise darting through my mind.

I’ve been experimenting with this for several weeks, and I can tell you that it works!

Last week there was an incident where I tried to walk too far, and the harder I tried to get there, the slower my legs would go. It was very frustrating! That night I read through Psalm 23 several times and felt deeply comforted. The next morning? A song I haven’t heard since the 70’s was running around in my head: “Because the Lord is my shepherd I have everything that I need. He lets me walk in ‘la-la-la’ (can’t think of all the words! ☺), he leads me beside the quiet stream. He keeps on giving life to me and helps me to do what honors him the most. Even when walking through the dark valley, valley of death. I will never be afraid, for he is close beside me. Guarding, guiding all the way, he spreads a feast before me. In the presence of my enemies, he welcomes me as his special guest. With goodness overflowing, ‘la-la-la’ and unfailing kindness, he will be with me all of my days, and afterward I will live with him, forever…forever…in his home.” Remember Dick and Carolyn? We sang it as a quartet sometime in the days before we had kids. We had to practice it dozens of times because…well, just because…and through all of those practices God was embedding it into my heart for a feast some 35 years later. What a God!

I’m realizing that even as I choose to feed my physical body healthy food, so also I must choose to be disciplined about what I feed my soul.

Cute example: Last night I was talking to my brother Ron and his wife Donna on the phone and when I mentioned that I was just about ready to write a new blog, they asked me the theme. We discussed this idea of “soul food” and they concurred. A few minutes later I went to bed. When I awakened this morning, the words of an old Dallas Holm song were whirling through my brain: “Set your hearts on things above…set your hearts on things above…Yeh…you’ll soon discover more than you’ve been dreamin’ of…Think about the father’s love…Think about the father’s love…And you will feel it when you set your mind on things above.” Reminds me of the verse in Isaiah 26:3: “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is steadfast.” Wow!

My next doctor’s appointment is December 13. I am looking forward to seeing how he perceives my condition. I think he’s going to be pleasantly surprised at how slowly this disease is progressing. Both of our kids’ families are coming to our house to celebrate the weekend before Christmas. We’ve moved in now, but the house isn’t finished. There’s still a lot to do, but each day it’s fun to see the progress. Many friends have helped us in dozens of ways. Bottom line? God is taking good care of us.

H-m-m! Let’s see, it’s morning now, but I’m already planning what I’m going to feed my soul tonight. I think I’ll munch again on Psalm 103! That’s one of my favorite soul snacks.

Paradox

2007-11-11T07:31:00.000-06:00

Years ago I heard one of our colleagues describe the missionary itineration as “THE MOST WONDERFUL--AWFUL THING HE HAD EVER DONE.” We were newly appointed, so his statement entertained my imagination for weeks. How could it be both? I wondered. Then we set out to hold services in churches to raise our own support, and I could see that he was right. The process was awful because we had to sleep in dozens of different beds, eat at all the wrong times, sit in a car for endless hours, and bear the weight of the formidable budget. But we also found that the whole process was wonderful, because God provided for us in remarkable ways. New relationships, astonishing miracles, and financial surprises filled the path with wonder. To date we have done four one-year-long itinerations, and I can truthfully say that I HATE THEM--BUT I LOVE THEM!

Now I’ve lived long enough to see that life is full of paradoxes. For instance, right now even though THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M DYING, I'VE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE.

As you know, in June my neurologist told me that I have bulbar ALS, the kind which has begun not in my hands and feet, like it does for 80% of ALS patients, but in my tongue, throat and mouth. He said that the normal life expectancy for this type of ALS is 12-18 months. That was five months ago. If someone had told me ahead of time that this was going to happen, I’m sure I would have despaired, but I COULD NEVER HAVE IMAGINED THE DARK PATH WOULD HAVE SO MANY GLIMMERS OF LIGHT.

Here’s the paradox. DURING THIS PROCESS SOMETIMES I HAVE FELT LIKE I WAS IN A TIGHT BOX --BUT I HAVE ALSO FELT LIBERATED. At the moment of the diagnosis, everything changed. Suddenly I knew what was important in my life. I let go of things that didn’t matter, and I reached out to embrace things I had previously taken for granted.

For example:

Our marriage has never been more fresh or exciting.

Our relationships with all four of our children have taken on sweet new dimensions.

I find myself fixating on adorable things that our grandkids do (okay that hasn’t changed THAT much ☺)

Certainly, friendships have become more meaningful.

Even nature seems more vibrant.

My senses are just keener these days!

Yesterday while doing some errands, I went through a drive-through to get food. I was going to try to eat it while driving, then I thought, “Life’s too short!” ☺ So, I pulled off the road and sat facing the river in our small local park. Before our missions work, we lived in this community for 17 years, and now we’re back to the same town, so I’ve driven by that portion of the Wisconsin River thousands of times; but this was the first time that I took time to soak in its beauty. As I ate my sandwich, the barren trees and rippling chilly water told me that they were enjoying the freedom of the moment, knowing that soon they were going to be heavily laden with snow. ☺

I am just feeling totally excited about life! My mind is dancing with ideas for the holidays. I’m like a kid at Christmas—literally! ☺ Which cookies should I bake? Which gifts? And Thanksgiving? With plans to entertain 34 people in my half –finished house? That would have certainly stressed me out before. But not now. I know that everything will be fine, even if it isn’t perfect. This attitude of abandonment makes everything more fun. Isn’t it ironic? JUST LIKE IT SAYS IN SCRIPTURE, I HAD TO LOSE MY LIFE TO FIND IT.

I feel fortunate to feel so well! My symptoms haven’t changed a lot over the last two months. Some days I have lots of muscle spasms in my hands, throat, legs, and abdomen—other days I have almost none. Some days my tongue is painfully slow, causing strangers to strain to understand me—other times my speech is quite clear. Some days it takes a couple of swallows to get the food to go down—other days I can eat the driest bread with no problem. Some days I have to battle massive amounts of mucus in my throat--other days I have almost none. Some days my feet feel like I’m walking through mud—other days I have a spring in my step. It’s like a pendulum that swings back and forth. ON THOSE HARD DAYS WHEN I FEEL SO WEAK, I'M GLAD THAT GOD IS STRONG, because it's then that I realize how much I need him.

One thing I know for sure, if God allows me to live beyond the doctor’s predictions, I will be a different person. From now on I will know that spending time with a friend over coffee is more important than getting one more thing crossed off my list! Too often, I have let the urgent things crowd out the important ones. I don’t know how many moments I have left on earth, but I do know that I don’t want to miss any of them.

We purchased the home that Jim built for his parents in 1979, and my handy husband has been working hard to remodel it for us to live in. The kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom are almost done, so we’ll be moving into it this coming week. He will do the rest of the work while we’re living there. IT IS LOTS OF WORK, BUT IT'S FUN TO SEE IT DEVELOP. There's that paradox thing again.

ISN'T IT IRONIC THAT IN THE PROCESS OF DYING, I'VE LEARNED HOW TO LIVE?

mm

God's Hugs

2007-11-05T04:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I wrapped up in a couple of blankets and came to sit in the big arm chair. My fingers turned to Romans 8, and as I read I felt God loving me.

“…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express…(26).”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him (28).”

“…if God is for us who can be against us (31)?”

“…Jesus Christ, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us (34).”

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword (35)?”

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us (37).”

“For I am convinced that neither death or life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (38).”

Maybe God gave us families so that we could understand the intensity of love that he has for us. Look at our faces in these photos and imagine God looking at you like this! Wow!

It seems that every time I get into our car and turn on Christian radio, this song is just beginning. Sung by a mother for her child, it’s called “In My Arms.” (by Plumb)

Clouds will rage and
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash around
But you will be safe in my arms

Can you see God’s eyes admiring you? Can you feel him cradling you?

If not, it doesn’t change a thing.

He IS holding you.
He IS interceding for you.
He IS loving you.

“There is nothing you can do to make God love you more.
There is nothing you can do to make God love you less.”
--Philip Yancey--

I wouldn't trade these last few months for anything. They have been awful, but wonderful, as God has shown me how much he cares.

mm

Through

2007-11-03T20:47:00.000-05:00

In our 21 years as missionaries, one of the scripture passages that I have repeatedly come back to is this one:

Isaiah 43:1-2
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass THROUGH the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass THROUGH the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk THROUGH the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

***

Looking back over these past four months I can see that subconsciously I fought hard to avoid accepting this illness. Thyroid, some other neurological problem, anything! I just didn’t want to have ALS!

Now, I can see that I was in major denial, one of the beginning stages of grief.

Someone has said, “The only way out of grief is THROUGH.” And now I know it’s true. I must go THROUGH.

THROUGH…

I didn’t want to, but a couple of really hard days physically, the unstoppable tears, and the guidance of a loving brother made me realize that I was already well into the tunnel of grief.

What’s amazing is that through the years, I’ve taught many young people about the grief process. I’ve told them that grief is a God-given process to help us adjust to the big changes in our lives. I have encouraged them to experience every stage of grief, but not to get stuck in any of them. Isn’t it ironic that I didn’t recognize my own grieving process? ☺

Two weeks ago, while traveling alone, I finally had to acknowledge that I felt restless, sad, unfocused, confused, and emotionally exhausted. I was on my way to Pennsylvania to see my new grandbaby, and I was excited to see her and her 22-month-old sister, but in my own situation I felt overwhelmed.

It was my brother Daniel who would be picking me up at the airport, so I called him during my layover. “I’m warning you that when I land I’m going to unload on you. Is that okay?” “Sure!” he said. Daniel and I are almost like twins in our thoughts and feelings so I knew that I could pour everything out to him and he would help me sort it out.

We were barely in the car when I started:

“I’ve always been so happily involved in our ministry; but now, my plans, dreams and goals have all vanished. Daily I just cook meals, do errands, and rest. I don’t have the energy to do anything else. I feel useless, like I no longer have a purpose.”

“I wish so much I could spare Jim the pain of this whole thing. Every time we talk I can hear it in his voice. If this disease develops, he’s going to have the load of caring for me. I hate the thought of being a burden on him.”

“How does God choose who he heals, and who he doesn’t, anyway?”

“It’s so frustrating that my tongue is slow. It’s difficult to talk clearly. Sometimes I see strangers straining to understand me. I hate sounding like an idiot.”

“I feel like my body is in a slow downward spiral and I can’t stop it. I’ve had more muscle spasms than ever, a slower tongue, waves of profound fatigue, a feeling of tiredness in my torso, and even some difficulty walking.”

“I feel so draggy. I don’t want to do anything.”

“I wish I had never started that blog. Up until now I’ve felt so victorious, and now I feel anything but victorious. What am I going to say next time I write?”

***
My wise brother just waited and let me pour it all out, then he gently helped me see that I was well into my grieving process. He assured me that it was okay to cry, doubt, question, and feel self-pity. He reminded me that God has a plan for both me and Jim. He also said, “You DO have a purpose. God has called you to suffer. That’s a high calling and God evidently knew he could trust you with such an assignment. People need to see how a godly person suffers.” He urged me to continue to be totally authentic in my blog. He listened, he cared, and he helped me tremendously.

At the end of the hour-long ride, I already felt better; but in the two weeks that followed, a deep emotional healing began. I began to feel like myself again. Those two precious little girls were more than a lift for my spirits. In fact, during the heaviness of this month, significant help has come from my favorite little people. I now have five grandchildren under the age of five. They don’t even know it, but they are helping me THROUGH.

Elliana (22 mo.) and Jolene (2 weeks)

Micah (almost 5 months)

Levi (3) and Reuben (4 1/2)

One more thing: Within days of my June diagnosis, we received a CD from our friends Don and Evie. They encouraged us to listen to the song “THROUGH.” Here are the very fitting words:

THROUGH
(Words and Music by Gloria Gaither, William J. Gaither & Michael Sykes)

When I saw what lay before me
“Lord,” I cried. “What will you do?”
I thought He would just remove it
But he gently led me through
Without fire, there’s no refining
Without pain, no relief
Without flood, there’s no rescue
Without testing, no belief
Through the fire, through the flood
Through the water, through the blood
Through the dry and barren places
Through life’s dense and maddening mazes
Through the pain and through the glory
Through will always tell the story
Of a God whose power and mercy
Will not fail to take us through.

Would you like to hear the song? My friend Janet sent this link. You can hear the Gaither Vocal Band sing the song if you cut and paste this link into your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmKSY12hclQ

Here's the bottom line:
WITH GOD'S HELP, and only with his help, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

mm

Shower of Tears

2007-10-20T21:37:00.000-05:00

About a week ago I realized that in the last four months I have avoided crying as much as possible. Even the night I heard I had ALS I didn't cry.

That was a big change for me because before my diagnosis, tears were a regular thing for me. I was often choked up about something, and Jim, too. We would often cry at the same things. Once we cried at the same moment during an episode of The Brady Bunch :-) and another time at an AT&T commercial. We're both criers.

But I now realize that I have been trying not to cry because I can no longer control the intensity of the sounds. If I cry, I sob, I gasp for air, I groan----it's not a pretty sight! So I've been trying not to.

Last Saturday, after a rough day, I cried hard! I had felt so weak and so tired all day, and I had had many muscle spasms; I knew it was "the disease" knocking at my door. I think in trying to hold back the tears, I had been trying to hold back the disease----to keep it from developing. It was a form of denial.

But that day when Jim got home, the dam broke; all of the tears that I had held back for four months came gushing out uncontrollably. I sobbed, I groaned, I gasped for air. It went on and on. It was awful, but it was wonderful. Jim cried with me and held me close. I cried for him and I cried for me.

I realized that Ruth and Dave upstairs could probably hear the sobs, and suddenly it was okay. Okay, even though it wasn't dainty and graceful.

Crying is me. I have to be able to let myself feel deeply. I'm born to be a feeler.

Since the dam broke, I've cried a lot; and even though crying is physically uncomfortable, it feels good to not hold it back. So in these last few days...

*When my song came on the radio ("In His Arms") I let myself cry.

*When on TV this week Dan Betzer spontaneously sang "His Eye is on the Sparrow" I let myself cry.

*When Jim prayed for my healing in a before-the-meal prayer (like he does every day) I let myself cry.

*When our son David told about the mother of the handicapped son who was going on the medical missions trip with his team this week I let myself cry.

*When our son Paul held me last night and told me how much he loved me I let myself cry.

I told Jim that I would be crying whenever I felt like it from now on. He said he was very glad. I feel like I've reclaimed a sweet part of myself. I must cry. My feelings have to come out!

At first I was cautious about crying out of self-pity, but two of my close friends have assured me that it's okay to cry for myself. They both showed me the Psalms and how "raw" the feelings of David were. They convinced me that crying is a gift from God and he can handle it. :-)

An old Jewish Proverb says: What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.

Over this last week, I've been having a steady shower of tears. My soul is being washed, but there's a lot of "build-up" in there, so it will take time to clean it out.

mm

P.S. As of Tuesday October 16th, I have a new granddaughter. Her name is Jolene Hope, and she is beautiful! She joins big sister Elliana Joy. I arrived at their house last night and just being with the two of them brings me HOPE and JOY.

Amazing God!

2007-10-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

Last year at this time I was studying the names of God, and my mind was stretched as I realized that He is everything we need and more!

In November I taught on prayer at the Ladies Only meeting. That day we gave every woman a bookmark, like the one in the photo, suggesting a form of prayer where they would begin with Adoration, move toward Confession, then Thanksgiving, and finally Supplication (asking)(A.C.T.S.).

The characteristics of God, listed on the bookmark, were to be an aid toward realizing who He is and thereby viewing everything else in their lives with that perspective. That bookmark has been in my Bible ever since.

This week as I was reading it closely again, I began to weep. Last fall God taught me who He is and this fall He's illustrating all of those characteristics. What a marvelous teacher He is---teaching me the lessons then following shortly with the clear illustrations.

As I look back at previous blogs I can see lesson after lesson illustrated through my situation:

My Blog's Title-- God's Character Trait I Was Learning at the Time

Change of Plans-- God is my guide.
Healthy Tension-- God is my healer.
Profound Perspective-- God is eternal.
Cautiously Optimistic-- God is faithful.
The Best Medicine-- God is my father.
Wait-- God is patient.
Divine Appointment-- God is all-knowing.
Blindfolded-- God is trustworthy.
Finishing the Finnish Chapter-- God is my companion and friend.
Still-- God is my peace.
Compounded Joy-- God is my helper.
Goodbye and Hello-- God is timeless.
No Darkness-- God is my light.
Two Tracks-- God is gracious.
ICBW Game-- God is praiseworthy.

This struggle of mine is not about me. It's all about Him!! He's amazing!

Today as I picture you (my friends) reading this, and I know the that situations several of you are facing, I can assure you that OUR GOD IS ENOUGH!

...Enough to cope with the pain of the wayward child, the unfaithful husband, the prolonged disability, the failing parents, the selfish mate, the remnants of abuse, the demanding job, the recent accident, the barren womb, the death of a child, the estrangement of family, the loss of a mate, the relentless loneliness, the rocky marriage, the uncertain job situation, the recurring disease, the persistent depression. (I'm picturing faces on all of these!)

When I think of some of your situations, mine seems easy by comparison! Even though the doctor says I'm terminal, physically I feel fine and the days seem quite normal. I feel blessed.

Here's the bottom line: Our Amazing God is ENOUGH!

mm

The ICBW Game

2007-10-05T10:27:00.000-05:00

I had my MRI on Tuesday and that afternoon the nurse called with the "good news" that my MRI was totally normal. She was joyful. My heart sank. Of course she didn't know that I was hoping they WOULD find something--anything besides ALS! I had to smile, though, because she was so happy to deliver the news.

Then I thought of The ICBW Game and I decided to play it. "It Could Be Worse" is a survival game that our son David invented during his year in Iraq. No matter what the situation, he would think of some way it could be worse. That inspired me.

So I've decided to play ICBW.

ICBW if the MRI had revealed that I had some other terrible condition in addition to ALS. Fortunately, I'm in very good general health. The doctor says this is a big bonus.

ICBW if I had young children depending on me. We've raised our children and I've had a very full life!

ICBW if I didn't have people who loved and cared for me. I have hundreds!

ICBW if I didn't have a personal relationship with the Lord. Mine has been more intimate than ever! I wouldn't trade these three months for anything!

ICBW if I didn't feel well. I feel energetic and normal, and the doctor says that my body hasn't changed in three months! That's a miracle!

The day in June when I had the EMG and Nerve Conduction Study (most painful tests I've ever had!) I was trying to play ICBW while they were sticking in the needles and sending shocks through the nerves in my legs, arms, back, even my tongue! I was thinking:

ICBW if I were a child and didn't understand what was happening.

ICBW if I were in a foreign country and couldn't understand the language being used between the doctor and the technician.

ICBW if I were having this test 40 years ago when everything was more primitive.

ICBW if I were in a torture chamber, and the person sticking needles into me didn't have my best interest at heart. (I admited this to the doctor when the test was over and it made both of us smile. Humor is a great survival tool!)

Okay, it's your turn to play ICBW. "My situation could be worse if..."

Now I want to caution you. As my friends Pam and Sue commented, we shouldn't say this to our friends when they have poured out their problems to us. It could seem like we're trying to minimalize their troubles. No, this is a personal thing, a tool that God can use to encourage us and give us perspective on our own situations.

I love this verse from the Bible: "Finally, bretheren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything priaseworthy--meditate on these things." Philippians 4:8 Did you know that we can choose where we let our minds ponder?

How are you looking at your situation? Allow God to give you a new perspective. For me I know that my situation could be worse--much worse! I'm praising him for what I DO have! I get up every day and say, "Thank you God that I can walk, and talk, and scratch my nose if it itches." :-)

I conclude with this cute story:
David and Rhonda's friends Ben and Alyssa had just bought an adorable little puppy and had made the decision to take him on the plane with them, thinking that the hold for dogs would be too traumatic for such a tiny puppy. Everything on the flight went great. Throughout the whole flight the puppy slept soundly under their seat in his tiny cage. But, as everyone stood to deplane, the little fluffy ball got a terrible case of diarrhea. Very smelly diarrhea. The putrid smell filled the plane. As people filed out of the plane, many looked disgustedly at them. Ben and Alyssa were embarrassed! David heard this story and said, "It Could Have Been Worse." How? we all asked. "It would have been worse if it had happened at the beginning of the flight." :-) True!

mm

Two Tracks

2007-09-23T12:53:00.001-05:00

When something tragic happens, our human minds try to make sense of it.

Some have said to me, “I’m really angry at God that he would send such a terrible disease to you. You have served him faithfully and now he gives you this? I don’t get it!”

Another person said, “This disease is from Satan. He’s trying to stop you because you’re a threat to him.”

I have another perspective. I don’t think this is from God or Satan. We live in a fallen world; therefore, we all have pain, loss, death, suffering, and disappointment. These things go with the territory.

BUT!

In walking through this broken earth, if we have chosen to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of our lives, we have access to the grace he gives which is always in perfect balance to the pain we’re going through.

This diagnosis is the toughest thing we’ve ever encountered, but the grace God is dispensing is also enormous--more than we’ve ever experienced.

Last year we received an e-mail “forward” about an interview with Rick Warren during the time his wife Kay was battling cancer. He put it this way:

“I used to think that life was hills and valleys—you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don’t believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it’s kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you’re going into self-centeredness [your problems, your issues, your pain]. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundred of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, and drawn her closer to God and people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life….”

We received that piece months before the doctor said that I had ALS, but I have never forgotten the picture. Two rails on a railroad track. The good and the bad. Side by side. Always together.

What’s your left rail? Mine is my ALS. What’s your right rail? Mine is the abundance of God’s grace expressed in dozens of ways. The love of my family, the outpouring of love from you, God’s love which bursts forth daily through illumination of certain passages of scripture, and even through songs on the radio. It’s everywhere. God’s grace. Enormous. Just the size of my problem.

I saw my neurologist on Tuesday. He said that my body doesn’t seem to have changed in the three months since he saw me last. He’s going to do an MRI on October 2 to make sure that there’s not some other illness that could be causing my symptoms. We are praising God!

This past weekend we helped our grandson Levi celebrate his third birthday. He loves trains so his mommy and daddy arranged for a ride on an old-fashioned train pulled by a steam engine. It was a delightful day!

Now don’t forget this: Life has two tracks, the good and the bad. Accept God’s help in balancing whatever pain this fallen world has handed you. His grace is always enough!

No Darkness

2007-09-12T19:59:00.000-05:00

The endocrinologist didn't give me the answer I wanted today.

I wanted her to find problems in my thyroid and discount the ALS diagnosis, but it didn't happen. She said that my thyroid appears to be functioning normally. She did do some tests for which I'll have results on Monday, but all indications are that my thyroid is fine. Which brought us to directly face the ALS for the first time.

When we got to the car I cried...Jim cried...and we held each other.

But then as we drove away, God gradually began to restore our perspective. We KNOW He's in charge. We KNOW He's a good God. We KNOW our times are in His hands. We KNOW He loves us. We KNOW that in He is a bright spot of light.

Now flash back to the days just following the diagnosis, during the last week of June. We had a lovely evening with David's parents-in-law, our good friends, Dean and Grace Merrill. That evening Dean read me a poem that his sweet mother wrote as she went through a difficult time. It lifted me then, and it catapults me now, into the truth that God is light--no matter what!

NO DARKNESS!

They tell me that the way is dark
As I go on ahead,
They say my days will surely be
Filled with pain and dread;
But somehow I cannot believe
These words of doom are right,
The God I've loved these many years
Is still the God of light!

In Him, there is no darkness,
No shadows, no despair,
How can I doubt the One I love?
On Him, I cast my care;
And so the path ahead seems bright,
The night shines as the day,
The darkness and the light are both
Alike to Him, I say.

So I will see the Light ahead,
And trust, and love, and pray,
For "in His light, I will see light,"
I know that is His way!
The darkness cannot hide from Him,
He hears me when I call,
He lights my path--and so I see
NO DARKNESS--none at all!

--Mary Merrill--

"This then is the message which we have heard of Him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all." I John 1:5

No matter what you're facing, and no matter how dark it looks, remember He is the light source. Let's not stare into the darkness, but rather focus on "The Light"!

Goodbye & Hello

2007-09-07T10:16:00.001-05:00

"Parting is such sweet sorrow!" (William Shakespeare)

Yes it is!! Our five weeks in Finland was FILLED with goodbyes. Sad goodbyes. Sweet goodbyes.

The very last goodbye was given by our home group as they came to the airport at 7:30 A.M. to say one more...GOODBYE!

The trip went easily and quickly, probably because we had so many tender memories to reflect upon.

Then the plane landed, and here came David's WHOLE family with a wonderfully warm welcome. Poster, flowers...the whole deal! (Yes, Baby Micah was there, too, but you can't see him sleeping in the back of the double stroller.) It was a memorable HELLO!

Thank you for praying for us during those weeks. Our time there couldn't have been more satisfying!! Nor could the closure have felt any more complete. Praise God!

So! A new chapter of our lives has begun. The goodbyes are over. The hellos have begun...church friends, neighbors, former students, new friends...I believe that we have many happy days ahead.

Sigh!

mm

Compounded Joy

2007-08-28T09:03:00.001-05:00

"Friendship redoubleth our joy and cutteth grief in halves." Francis Bacon (1561-1626)

Our time of packing here in Finland has illustrated what we have been feeling for two months. You, our friends, have helped carry the "load" of this illness.

Monday morning we got up early and headed out, with the help of three kind Finnish men, to go to Helsinki with the goods we had stored at the Bible school. Iso Kirja College provided the truck and the day's wages for the three men.

But on the way to Helsinki we had to stop in Tampere and buy our little piece of Finland, a Tulikivi soapstone fireplace.

Two of the men carefully wrapped the pieces of the stove...

Others carried them out...

A former student, Usko, came to translate.

And the owner of the store and his wife gave us a special gift of stone cups to use while sitting around the fireplace in America.

Team work helped us accomplish the task in just one hour!

Two days before, on Saturday, 30 former students lined three flights of stairs...

...and passed our things...

...hand to hand...

...to the truck to be loaded...

...no one had to carry it all alone!

And a week ago Saturday I organized a retreat for nine ladies who will be facilitators for the Ladies Bible studies in our international church. When we got out of the car I said, "Okay, let's have an object lesson. Nadia, you carry everything to the cottage." The other eight ladies looked at me with questions in their eyes. Why would we make her carry everything alone?
"Okay, here's the point," I said, "if everybody carries her share of the load, it's not too heavy for anyone. It will be the same with Ladies Only this coming year. If you share the load, it will be easier for everyone."

So they all picked up a bag or two and in we went...to a delightful day of food, fellowship, teaching, and preparation for the coming season among the ladies of our church.

We fly back to the States on September 4, and I await my September 12 appointment with the endocrinologist at UW University Hospital in Madison, but I don't feel the weight of "the wait"--because you are all carrying your share of the load.

Thank you for sharing our sorrow and compounding our joy!

mm

Still

2007-08-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

Finland is a very still place.

But I am not a very still person...at least not naturally.

If you know me, you know that I'm always on the move. Making lists, checking things off, standing up, sitting down, moving around. Some days I'm non-stop from morning to night. Probably if I were a kid in school today I would be labeled ADHD. I was a very active kid. I remember spreading out my feet to the width of a doorway, and then quickly climbing to the top, like a little monkey, so I could be higher than the adults. :-) As a teenager I was a cheerleader, and not just at the games. I bounded around the house, jumping, twirling, and twisting. My mom said that I was more active than all three of my brothers combined!! :-)

Still was just NOT my thing, at least until I came to Finland! It's here that I have learned the beauty of silence. As I have been packing to leave, I've realized that one of the many gifts I have received from this culture is an appreciation for the stillness. The people here are comfortable with silence. In the Helsinki airport you can almost hear a pin drop. It's lovely. Also the calm Finnish nature invites reflection. In Keuruu, where we lived for six years, I had a big rock with water on three sides. It was beautiful out there in every season, and my favorite thing to do was take my Bible, a notebook, and pen and just go out there and listen.

It wasn't easy for God to teach me about this "quiet thing." It was a big job, but He's a big God! :-) But I believe that teaching me to be still was one way he helped prepare me for this moment in my life. The challenge of the ALS diagnosis is eased by the ability to rest quietly in Him.

You've probably heard the hymn "Be Still My Soul," but did you know that the Finnish national hymn "Finlandia" is set to the same tune? So, I hear that tune fairly often when I'm here in Finland, and each time God reminds me that He can speak to me through the silence. But! Finding time to sit still is SO hard for me! ;-)

Today as I sat down to have my morning devotions, my mind was racing. Things to do. Things to pack. Things to decide. Then I heard God whisper, "Be still." I took a deep breath and opened my ears. Then my eyes fell on my bookmark from the November Ladies Only meeting, and there were the words to THE song. I let my mind settle down and then I listened to God's voice in the stillness.

"Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain
Be still my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still my soul, thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past
Thy hope thy confidence let nothing shake
Oh thou mysterious will be bright at last."

I paused and read through the words again, allowing them to penetrate deep into my spirit. The "stillness" felt so GOOD!

Then I looked at the bottom of the bookmark and read this lovely paraphrase of Philippians 4:6. (Taken from Amy Grant's album Legacy...Hymns & Faith.)

"Delight yourself in the Lord; yes, and find your joy in Him.
Be known for your gentleness, and never forget the nearness of our God.
And don't worry! Whatever's going to come, just tell God every detail
And the peace of God that no one understands will come to you.
No, don't worry, just tell Him every detail and His peace will come to you."

I'm sure my pulse slowed. I know my eyes closed, and I felt God's peace penetrating through to those deep inner concerns, and also infiltrating my fluttery lists for the day. I don't know how long I sat there STILL, but I know when it was over I felt deeply refreshed.

Then as I moved through my day with speed and efficiency, there was a deep peace below the surface--the strength of silence.

I challenge you, especially if you're a mover like me, to just find a peaceful place. Open your mind. See what God says. Walk through a woods. Sit beside a lake. Listen to the silence. Let Him tell you how much He loves you. Listen to him saying that He is bigger than your situation.

"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46:10

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Finishing the Finnish Chapter

2007-08-03T14:14:00.000-05:00

We've lived in Finland for seven years, and it has been a wonderful time, but now it's time to close this chapter of our lives. Our five weeks here will be eventful as we pack up our apartment, have an English Line Reunion (see details below if you are a former English Liner), and have a farewell service at our church (EICF). There are undoubtedly many bittersweet days ahead. Your prayers will be appreciated!

We've been here now for two days, and we're both still in major jetlag. Actually, it's kind of fun to sleep from 2:00-8:00 P.M. or 4:00-12:00 noon! I've been getting big projects done during the nighttime hours. :-) However, other than the "sleepies" I'm feeling really well. My swallowing and speech continue to improve, so we are hopeful.

Our colleague, Shaun, sent us this wonderful quote: "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that he didn't trust me so much." (Mother Theresa) That kind of summarizes it! :-)

Many thanks to all of you for your e-mails and comments on the blog. You keep me SO encouraged. Thank you!!

By the way, we can add two more countries to the list; I've heard from my North Vietnamese friend and also some friends in Scotland. There are literally thousands of you praying for me. WOW!

mm

P.S.
The English Line Reunion will be Saturday August 25, and Pilkku asked that I announce this on the blog because she doesn't have everybody's e-mail address. You're welcome to come anytime from 10:00 A.M. on. If you plan to eat lunch at Iso Kirja, you need to send an e-mail to Pilkku so she can sign you up. Her address is: pilvikkiviitanen@hotmail.com. She's still working on the program, but there will certainly be an evening meeting for praise, worship, and testimonies. Also let her know how you'd be willing to help on that day.
For us it would be fun if each of you would bring a personal A4 page for our English Line memory book. You could put a picture of yourself when you were in EL, and a current photo, then write a paragraph telling what you're doing now and how English Line has impacted your life.
Thanks! Hope to see you there.

Blindfolded

2007-07-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

Did you ever walk through a maze with your eyes blindfolded? On my 53rd birthday I was captured by two mischevious students and led around the Bible school campus with my eyes blindfolded. They tramped me through a Finnish swamp, a crowded attic, and a thick forest; then they put a helmet on my head and drove me down a country road on the back of motorcycle--all blindfolded. In other circumstances it could have been scary, but I knew that those students loved me--so I trusted them.

That's how I feel now. I'm blindfolded, but I'm holding the hand of someone I trust, so it's okay!

Wednesday I got a telephone call from the clinic saying that I should go right away to the clinic to have blood drawn. I went, and the next day I got a call from the Endocrinology Department at University of Madison Hospital. They told me that my blood indicated that I should stop taking the thyroid medication right away. My TSH had dropped to 0, and that was not a good thing, the nurse said. She explained that that didn't necessarily mean that I didn't have thyroid issues, but Synthroid obviously wasn't the answer for my body. At first I was stunned! I had so hoped that hypothyroidism was my problem, and synthroid the solution.

Then I realized that it wasn't the medication, the doctor, nor a certain diagnosis that I should hang onto, but rather the hand of God. He's unchangeable.

Immediately I went to the CD that God miraculously provided through Linda and Gayland (a neat story of its own)and,with tears stinging my eyes, I read through the words again--just to remind myself whose hand I'm hanging onto.

Listen to these words! And if you have the Phillips, Craig & Dean CD Let the Worshippers Arise, put it in and listen to song #3 "You Are God Alone."

You are not a god created by human hands
You are not a god dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god in need of anything we can give
By your plan, that's just the way it is

(cho.)
You are God alone, from before time began
You were on your throne; you are God alone
And right now in the good times and bad
You are on your throne; you are God alone.

You're the only God whose power none can contend
You're the only God whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God and that's just the way it is

Unchangeable
Unshakeable
Unstoppable
That's what you are!

We're going to Finland for the month of August to pack up our things and say goodbye to our wonderful friends at the Bible school and EICF (our international church.) We'll be back to Wisconsin by September 4, then I'm scheduled for appointments with the endocrinologist on September 12 and the neurologist on September 18...

..But it's not the hand of the doctors that I'm reaching for, it's the hand of the One who is unchangeable, unshakeable, unstoppable because even though I feel like I'm blindfolded, I'm clinging to the hand of my trustworthy God, so everything is okay!

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Divine Appointment

2007-07-20T07:58:00.001-05:00

Her name was Kris, and she was my speech pathologist yesterday; but to me she seemed more like an angel. I believe our appointment was divine.

She was about my age, an incredible teacher, warm, caring--just a lovely person; and that would have been enough. But she was also very knowledgable about my three possible conditions. Two of them she had personally experienced (thyroid and acid reflux)and the third (ALS) she had experienced vicariously through many of her patients. She spent 90 minutes with me (!!) helping me sort out the confusing overlapping symptoms, explaining many things that I had suspected, but never had confirmed. I walked away from our appointment praising God from the depths of my soul. I will praise you, O Lord, among the peoples, and I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your mercy is great above the heavens, and your truth reaches to the clouds. (Ps. 108:3-4)

At a certain point during the 90 minutes we walked to the lab where two technicians, one physician, and Kris watched on the x-ray screen as I swallowed a variety of things (thin liquid, thick liquid, pudding, and pudding with cookie crumbs in it.) The bottom line was that my swallowing was NORMAL. Kris concluded, "You don't swallow like an ALS patient." She quickly added that she wasn't saying that I didn't have ALS, but that she was pleasantly surprised to see that everything looked normal with my swallowing mechanism, because this is usually one of the most problematic areas. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and your glory above all the earth... (Ps. 108:5)

A few minutes later when I talked to my neurologist, he expressed surprise and delight that my swallowing was normal. Four weeks ago, on the day of the ALS diagnosis, my pulmonary function (lungs) also tested NORMAL. The doctor agreed that both of these things were very good signs. Not that he was withdrawing his diagnosis of ALS, (he made that very clear!!) but that he was pleased that there were not yet any signs of deterioration in these two vital functions. That your beloved may be delivered, save with your right hand, and hear me. (Ps. 108:6)

Then I showed him the list of thyroid symptoms that have improved during this month of taking synthroid (thyroid medication). He was very pleased and agreed to refer me to the group of cutting-edge endocrinologists at University of Wisconsin Medical Center in Madison. My case is obviously unusual (with normal thyroid labs)so he wanted me to have some of the best doctors to help me sort it out.

I want to thank you (emphatically!!) for the encouraging words, powerful scriptures, uplifting books, and heart-rending songs that you have sent me--reminding me of your support and God's faithfulness.

And, you know what? Even though it's too early to see where all of this is going, I realize that we don't have to know yet...because we know the one whose hand we're holding. He is the one who arranges divine (and encouraging!!) appointments.

O God, my heart is steadfast! (Ps. 108:1)

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Wait...

2007-07-11T19:52:00.000-05:00

When our boys were small, and we were caught in a long line at the grocery store, I would often say, "This is a good chance to practice your patience." Years later when the boys were in Junior High and we were fishing in Canada, I asked Jim to take me to the shore because the fish weren't biting. David reminded me, "Mom, this is a good chance to practice your patience." (Smile!)

That's how I feel now. Each time I ask God if I really do have ALS, or if it might be the thyroid, or something else, or nothing...all I hear is "WAIT"!

My voice varies between strong and froggy. My speech varies between slight and medium slurring. My swallowing varies between normal and almost normal, but I feel good! It's crazy to have such a daunting diagnosis when I feel SO good. But I know that my assignment is not to figure things out, but simply to WAIT.

I guess this is a good chance to practice my patience. :-)

Meanwhile, I now understand Philippians 4:7 because in this time of waiting I really do have a "peace that passes all understanding." Our God is an amazing God!

mm

P.S. According to your responses (some through e-mail and some through the comments on this blog) I can now add to my list four more countries from which people are praying: South Africa, Faroe Islands, Norway, and Netherlands. Wow!

The Best Medicine!

2007-07-08T18:42:00.000-05:00

This week our whole family was together for a few days around the 4th of July. This was the best medicine possible! :-)

In case you are one of the praying people who don't know me, I'm the beaming grandma in the middle of the photo!

mm

P.S. There are people all around the world praying for me. People from Denmark, Estonia, Finland, Germany, India, Lithuania, Russia, Bosnia, Belgium, Thailand, USA, Kenya, Bulgaria, Iceland, Australia, Canada, Great Britain, France, Sweden, China, Burkina Faso, Turkey, and Morocco have told me that they are praying for me. Are you from yet another country? May I add your country to this list? Let me know through the comments!! Praise God for the Body of Christ!

Cautiously Optimistic

2007-07-06T07:13:00.000-05:00

Wednesday July 4, 2007

Someone wrote today asking if my diagnosis had been positively confirmed yet.

The neurologist says that all of my signs and tests point toward ALS; however, there is no definitive test to positively confirm ALS. The only way to know for sure is to wait and see if the disease progresses, and it’s too early to say.

It's a bit confusing, though, because some of the early symptoms are the same as hypothyroidism, and my family has a history of having thyroid issues that don't show up on blood tests. So, even though my thyroid labs look normal, I have 19 of the 21 symptoms. (The only two I DON’T have are depression and tiredness. ☺)

So, after telling us that he was quite sure that I had ALS, I asked the neurologist if I could try the thyroid medication to see if it might make a difference. He said that I could, and he immediately wrote out the prescription. I've been on that medication now for 12 days and several of the symptoms of hypothyroidism have dramatically improved. The most hopeful ones are the ones that overlap with ALS, like my swallowing is back to normal, and my slurred speech is gradually improving (meaning that I don’t always sound “drunk” ☺)

All of that to say that we still don't know. We are "cautiously optimistic" but only time will tell if I have ALS or hypothyroidism. Meanwhile, I feel really well, and that's weird with such a heavy diagnosis hanging over our heads.

Today Paul and Kristin came from Pennsylvania for four days to celebrate Independence Day with us here at David and Rhonda's. That means that our whole family is together, and I can assure you that this is the best medicine on the planet! Four grandbabies under four create the sweetest kind of chaos, and I am loving every minute!

Please continue to pray that God's perfect will will be done in my body. He is a good God, and I want him to get the glory he deserves through all of this!
There’s not one doubt in my mind that He can heal me—no matter what I have!

I feel absolutely buoyed up by your prayers and my confidence in Him is FIRM!
Thank you for praying!

Profound Perspective

2007-07-06T07:11:00.000-05:00

Saturday, June 30, 2007

These last nine days have been like walking through a dream...and I say dream, not nightmare, because it's been happy in its own way. So much love has been expressed through our friends and family, and I've received over 100 e-mails from around the world, each carrying its own love and blessing. My daughter-in-law Rhonda's comment summarized it: "Don't you love the body of Christ?"

I've never been more certain that we serve a sovereign God. Through these last few hours, here's what I've come to understand:

• Everybody is born.
• Everybody must die.
• I won't die until it's exactly God's time for me. Until then, I'm invincible! ☺
• Until that moment comes, whether it's one or forty years from now, I'm going to FULLY live.

Only a loving, sovereign God could give me such a simple, but profound perspective. I rest peacefully in Him!

Healthy Tension

2007-07-06T07:10:00.000-05:00

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hi,

This quiet Sunday morning I want to sit down and write in response to the lovely letters and calls that we have received over these last few hours. To say that we have been overwhelmed by your love is an understatement.

One amazing part of this whole thing is that in spite of what the doctor says, right now I'm feeling really good. Of course, I'm still on my little knee cart from the bunion surgery, but this one has been lots easier than the last one so I almost forget about it--except for when I need to scoot up or down the steps on my bottom. :-) I include my slow tongue in "normal" because that symptom has been there off and on for six months, but overall I feel energetic and relaxed. I do try to avoid crying because when I cry it's harder to breathe. So, when the conversations get too heavy, I go in the other room to keep from needing to gasp for air. :-!

Another amazing part is how optimistic I feel. Maybe I'm still in the "shock" phase of grief, but during this week, since learning of the diagnosis, I've just been overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He has blessed me SO much. How many people, when faced with such a grim prediction, have hundreds (and I'm not stretching it!) of people who care about them? How many people have had such incredible opportunities to spend their life doing what they love most (teaching and mentoring young people to live their lives in light of eternity)? How many people, after 39 years of marriage, are THIS in love? How many people have children who love God and serve him so wholeheartedly? Not many and I just can't stop counting my blessings.

Our family has talked several times this week about the fact that we are holding two things in tension: 1) We KNOW that we serve a God who can heal. We've seen many miracles in our lives, one being the spectacular healing of my heart in November of 2005. There's not one doubt in our minds that God can heal. However, it's also clear that he doesn't always heal. You probably remember that we lost Jim's brother Greg just a little over one year ago. He was a young father who loved God with all of his heart; so, physical healing doesn't come for every believer; and that ushers in the other part of the healthy tension: 2) Everybody is born, and everybody has to die sometime. Until it's God's time for me I'm invincible! :-) But when it IS his best time for me to die, I will step into his presence. Wow, it gives me goose bumps when I consider what that moment will be like. I can only imagine!!

So there's the tension: God can heal, but he doesn't always. We're holding one in each hand and we try to keep the balance. The bottom line is that He is our loving, sovereign God, and he has good things for those who love Him. We just have to wait and see which good thing He has for me! :-) Frankly, I’m hoping for a few more years on this earth with my dear, sweet family!

My task over these next few weeks and months is to make sure that this whole thing doesn't get centered on ME. It's not about ME. It's all about Him. He deserves the glory whether number ONE or TWO is my destiny. I rest in Him, and wait to see.

Meanwhile, I'm soaking up the love of precious friends and family like you!

And, now back to the moment! I have to get into the shower and get dressed because today is a special day. Nineteen-day-old Baby Micah Gregory is being dedicated on his mommy and daddy's seventh anniversary. We are here, along with Rhonda's parents, to celebrate both occasions. Life doesn't get any sweeter than this!

Change of Plans

2007-07-06T07:08:00.000-05:00

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Dear Friends,

We were just preparing to let you know about our change of plans.

It was to have been a transition to another field of ministry within missions. We had accepted an offer to become the first International Directors for Royal Family Kids Camps. This ministry would have taken us around the world to help develop camps which provide "a week of happy memories" for abused, neglected, and abandoned children. Our transition was to have been effective January 1, 2008.

However, yesterday came another change of plans.

The neurologist says that Maralyn very likely has ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). This, of course, was a shock for our family but Thursday evening as we gathered around our computers to do a web cam "family gathering" with our boys and their wives, we felt the tremendous love of God as we processed the gravity of this diagnosis. We all agreed that even though this hurts, the bottom line is that our God is trustworthy!

We ask you to please pray with us. First, for healing. We serve a BIG God!! Next, we need guidance for the decisions that are looming ahead. We are, however, thankful for the supernatural peace that God is giving us.

Please forward this message to anyone who knows how to pray! Thanks.

Much Love,

Jim & Maralyn Mathias--Your Missionaries to Finland